Hazed

  ****

  I knew who was at the door before I opened it. Against my better judgement, I let him in. He looked miserable. With the dark circles lining his eyes, it was evident he didn’t sleep much last night.

  “Let’s grab some coffee,” he says.

  I grabbed my purse, walking past him, and not saying a word. The closest coffee shop was just a few yards away on campus. I grew nervous with each step I took. He didn’t say a word, and I knew he had rushed over here and was now thinking of a lousy excuse for me to forgive him.

  It’s not that I didn’t want to; I didn’t need to. We were no good for each other. He put me in the position I was in while living with my father, and I angered him in ways I’m positive no one had before.

  I sat outside, away from the other students while he ordered. He came back, setting a cup in front of me. I swirled the straw around, destroying the perfectly placed whipped cream. I wasn’t going to be the first to talk.

  “About last night,” he said, sighing.

  I cocked my head to the side. “Just last night? Or the entire relationship?”

  He actually rolled his eyes at me. “I’m trying to apologize.”

  I shook my head, frustrated. “I don’t want an apology. I want you to change. You can’t keep things from me…. Not anymore.”

  “I don’t want to.” The sincerity in his eyes almost won me over.

  “And you’re controlling,” I said, shaking my head until tears almost spilled over. “And you get so angry at me.”

  He grabbed my hand from across the table, but I took it back, refusing to give in right now.” All that’s about to change. Give me another chance. I’ll show you.”

  Exhaling a long shaky breath, I considered what he had said. I could get back with him now and he would probably be back to his old ways tomorrow. He needed to think on it. He needed to know that he could lose me and what we have.

  I stood, grabbing my coffee. “I can’t. Not right now.”

  His face always makes me break. His face fell with defeat and filled with pain as if I’d physically hurt him. I wouldn’t let him talk me out of it though. I turned and walked away from him.

  As I walked back to my dorm, knowing he was still sitting there, I had to keep telling

  myself that we needed this.