story.
Still, Newel said, a guy has to eat, and free stew is
free stew.
We’ll try to find a way to repay you, Kendra said.
So will we, Newel said.
You don’t happen to have any… batteries? Doren
asked.
Batteries? Seth asked, wrinkling his nose.
Size C, Newel clarified.
Kendra folded her arms. Why do you want batteries?
They’re shiny, Newel said, nudging Doren with an
elbow.
We worship them, Doren said, nodding sagely. They
seem like little gods to us.
The kids stared at the goatmen in disbelief, unsure how
to continue the conversation. They were obviously lying.
Okay, Newel said. We have a portable television.
Don’t tell Stan.
We had a mountain of batteries, but we ran out.
And our supplier is no longer employed here.
We could work out an arrangement. Newel spread his
hands diplomatically. Some batteries to repent for disrupting
our stew siphoning-
Then we can trade for more. Gold, booze, you name
it. Doren lowered his voice slightly. Of course, we would
need to keep our arrangement private.
Stan doesn’t like us watching the tube, said Newel.
You know our Grandpa? Seth asked.
Who doesn’t? Newel said.
You haven’t seen him lately? Kendra asked.
Sure, just last week, Doren said.
I mean since last night.
No, why? Newel said.
Haven’t you heard? Seth asked.
The satyrs shrugged at each other. What’s the news?
Newel asked.
Our Grandpa was kidnapped last night, Kendra said.
Your grandfather is a kid? Newel said.
They mean he was abducted, Doren clarified.
Kendra nodded. Creatures got into the house and took
him and our housekeeper.
Not Dale? Doren asked.
We don’t think so, Seth said.
Newel shook his head. Poor Dale. Never been very popular.
Lousy sense of humor, Doren agreed. Too quiet.
You guys don’t know who might have taken them?
Kendra asked.
On Midsummer Eve? Newel said, tossing up his
hands. Anybody. Your guess would be better than mine.
Could you help us find him? Seth asked.
The satyrs shared an uneasy glance. Yeah, ouch,
Newel began uncomfortably, this is a bad week for us.
Lots of commitments, Doren confirmed, backing
away.
You know, now that I’ve thought on it, Newel said, we
may have needed a new rigging on the chimney anyhow.
How about we go our separate ways and call it even?
Don’t take anything we said to heart, Doren said.
We were just being satirical.
Seth stepped forward. Do you know something you
aren’t telling us?
It isn’t that, Newel said, continuing his slow retreat.
It’s just Midsummer Day. We’re booked.
Thanks for helping us get away from the ogress,
Kendra said.
Our pleasure, Newel replied.
All part of the package, Doren added.
Could you guys at least point us toward home? Seth
asked.
The satyrs stopped retreating. Doren extended an arm.
There’s a path over there.
When you reach it, go right, Newel said.
That will get you started in the right direction.
Give our best to Stan when he turns up.
The satyrs hastily turned and dashed off into the trees.
Chapter Twelve
Inside the Barn
Kendra and Seth located the path just as the satyrs had
instructed, and soon reencountered the nickel-sized
holes that served as a perfect trail of breadcrumbs toward
home. Those goat guys were idiots, Seth said.
They did save us from the ogress, Kendra reminded
him.
They could have helped us rescue Grandpa but they
blew us off. He wore a scowl as they continued along the
path.
As they neared the yard, they heard the inhuman groan
again, the same sound they had heard while exiting the
basement, only louder than ever. They halted. The perplexing
sound was coming from up ahead. A long, plaintive
moan, comparable to a blast from a foghorn.
Seth dug some of the remaining salt out of a pocket and
rushed ahead. With their quickened pace, they were soon
back at the edge of the yard. Everything appeared normal.
They saw no hulking behemoth capable of the enormous
sound they had heard.
You know, that salt didn’t do much to the satyr,
Kendra whispered.
It probably only burns the bad creatures, he replied.
I think the ogre lady picked some up.
It was all mixed in the dirt by then. You saw it torch
those guys last night.
They waited, hesitant to enter the yard. Now what?
Kendra asked.
The mighty groan resounded across the yard, nearer
and louder. The shingles on the barn rattled.
It’s coming from the barn, Seth said.
We never looked there! Kendra said.
I didn’t think about it.
The monstrous groan blared a third time. The barn
shuddered. Birds flew up from the eaves.
You think something took Grandpa and Lena to the
barn? Kendra said.
Sounds like it’s still there.
Grandpa told us never to enter the barn.
I think I’m already grounded, Seth said.
No, I mean what if he keeps ferocious creatures in
there? It might have nothing to do with his disappearance.
It’s our best chance. Where else are we going to look?
We have no other clues. The tracks were a dead end. At
least we should try to get a peek inside.
Seth started for the barn, with Kendra following reluctantly
behind. The towering structure rose a good five stories
tall, topped by a weather vane in the shape of a bull.
Kendra had never studied it for entrances until now. She
noted the obvious set of large double doors in the front,
along with some smaller access doors along the side.
The barn creaked and then started shaking as if there
were an earthquake. The sound of timbers splitting filled
the air, followed by another mournful moan.
Seth glanced back at Kendra. Something huge was in
there. A few moments later the barn grew still.
Chains and a heavy padlock bound the double doors in
front, so Seth moved along the side of the building, quietly
trying the smaller doors. All were locked. The barn had
several windows, but the lowest were three stories off the
ground.
They stealthily circled the entire building, finding no
doors unlocked. There weren’t even any cracks or peepholes.
Grandpa sealed this place up tight, Kendra
whispered.
We may have to make some noise to get inside, Seth
said. He started circling the building again.
I’m not sure that would be smart.
I’ll wait until the barn starts shaking again. Seth sat
down in front of a small door, little more than three feet
high. Minutes passed.
Think it knows we’re waiting? Kendra asked.
You’re just bad luck.
Stop saying that.
A fairy glided over near them. Seth tried to shoo it
away. Get out of here. The fairy effortlessly dodged his
shooing motions. The more vigorously he waved her away,
the closer she came.
Stop it, you’re just egging her on, Kendra said.
I’m sick of fairies.
Then ignore her and maybe she’ll leave.
He stopped paying attention to the fairy. She came up
right behind his head. When the proximity earned no reaction,
the fairy landed on his head. Seth slapped at her,
missing as she wove around his intended blows. Just when
he jumped to his feet to chase her, the booming groan
came again. The little door trembled.
Seth plopped back down and started ramming the door
with both feet. The moaning muffled most of the impact’s
noise. On the fifth kick, the edge of the little door split and
swung open.
Seth rolled away from the opening, and Kendra stepped
aside as well. Digging in his pockets, Seth withdrew the
remnants of his salt. Want some? he mouthed.
Kendra accepted some salt. A second or two later, the
deafening moaning ceased. Seth gestured for Kendra to
wait. He crept through the small door. Kendra waited,
squeezing the salt in her palm.
Seth reappeared in the opening wearing an inscrutable
expression. You have to see this, he said.
What?
Don’t worry. Come look.
Kendra ducked through the little doorway. The enormous
barn contained just one cavernous room with a few
closets around the perimeter. The entire room was dominated
by a single gigantic cow.
Not what I expected, Kendra murmured in disbelief.
She gawked at the colossal bovine in amazement. The
huge head was up near the rafters, forty or fifty feet in the
air. A hayloft spanning an entire side of the building served
as a feedbox. The cow’s hooves were the size of hot tubs.
The tremendous udder was absolutely bulging. Milk beaded
and dripped from teats almost the size of punching bags.
The gargantuan cow cocked its head, staring down at
the newcomers to the barn. It let out a long moo, making
the barn shake simply by shifting its stance.
Holy cow, Kendra muttered.
You can say that again. I doubt Grandpa will be running
out of milk anytime soon.
We’re friends, Kendra called up to the cow. The cow
tossed its head and began munching from the hayloft.
Why haven’t we heard this thing before? Seth
wondered.
She probably never moos. I think she’s in pain,
Kendra observed. See how swollen the udder looks? I bet
it could fill a swimming pool.
Seriously.
Somebody probably milks her every morning.
And nobody did today, said Seth.
They stood and stared. The cow continued munching
from the hayloft. Seth pointed at the back of the barn.
Look at the manure!
Sick!
The world’s biggest cow pie!
You would notice that.
The cow let out another bellowing complaint, the most
insistent so far. They clamped their hands over their ears
until the lowing stopped.
We probably should try to milk her, Kendra said.
How are we supposed to do that! Seth cried.
There has to be a way. They must do it all the time.
We can’t even reach her thingies.
I bet that cow could tear this place apart if she wanted.
I mean, look at her! She keeps getting more upset. Her
udder looks like it’s about to burst. Who knows what kind
of powers she has. Her milk lets people see fairies. The last
thing we need is a giant magical cow running around loose.
It could be total mayhem.
Folding his arms, Seth surveyed the task. This is
impossible.
We need to search the closets. Maybe they have special
tools.
What about Grandpa?
We’re out of leads, said Kendra. If we don’t milk this
cow, we could end up with a new disaster on our hands.
In the closets they found a variety of tools and equipment,
but no obvious gear for milking gargantuan
cows. There were empty barrels all around, in and out of
closets, which Kendra figured must be used for catching
milk. In one closet Kendra found a couple of A-frame
ladders. These might be all we need, she said.
How do we even get our hands around those things?
We don’t.
There has to be a gigantic milking machine, Seth
said.
I’m not seeing anything like that. But it might work if
we just hug and drop.
Are you nuts?
Why not? Kendra said, motioning between the teats
and the floor. It isn’t that far from the nipples to the
ground.
We’re not trying to use barrels?
No, we can waste the milk. Barrels would get in the
way. We just need to relieve the pressure.
What if she steps on us?
She hardly has any room to move. If we stay under the
udder, we’ll be fine.
They dragged the ladders into position, one beside each
of two teats on the same side of the mammoth cow. They
climbed the ladders. Only by standing one rung from the
top were they high enough to grip the teat near the udder.
Seth stood waiting while Kendra tried to get into position.
These feel wobbly, she said.
She hesitantly stood upright. It felt a lot higher than it
had looked from the ground. You ready?
No. I bet this barn will hold her.
We have to at least try.
Hug the thingy and slide down? Seth asked.
We’ll trade off, you, then me, then you, then me.
Then we’ll do the other side.
How about you start it?
You’re better at this sort of stuff, Kendra said.
That’s true, I milk a lot of giant cows. I’ll show you my
trophies sometime.
Seriously, you start, urged Kendra.
What if it hurts her?
I don’t think we’re big enough. I’m more worried that
we’re not going to be able to get any out.
So I should squeeze as hard as I can, Seth confirmed.
Sure.
Once I do it, you’ll do it, and we’ll just keep going as
fast as we can.
And if I ever find a giant cow milking trophy, I’ll buy
it for you, Kendra offered.
I’d rather we kept it our little secret. You ready?
Go for it.
Hesitantly Seth placed a hand against the huge teat.
The cow mooed, and he recoiled, crouching and grabbing
the ladder with both hands to steady himself. Kendra tried
to stay balanced as she laughed. Finally the foghorn moo
ended.
I changed my mind, Seth said.
I’ll count to three, said Kendra.
You go first or I’m not doing it. I almost fell and wet
my pants at the same time.
One… two… three!
Seth stepped off the
ladder, embracing the teat. He slid
down it and fell to the floor along with an impressive jet of
milk. Kendra stepped off and hugged the teat as well. Even
with her holding tightly, it slid through her embrace faster
than she expected. She hit the floor with warm milk
already soaking her jeans.
Seth was on his way back up the ladder. I’m already
disgusted, he said, stepping off and sliding down again.
This time he kept his feet when he landed. Kendra went up
and slid down again. Hugging as hard as she could, she
descended a little more slowly, but still fell over when she
hit the floor. Already milk was everywhere.
Soon they fell into a rhythm, both of them landing on
their feet most of the time. The engorged udder hung low,
and they got better at using the teat-hug to control their
fall. Milk gushed copiously. While they were sliding, the
teats sprayed like fire hoses. It must have been at least seventy
jumps each before the output began to slacken.
Other side, Kendra gasped, breathing hard.
My arms are dead, Seth complained.
We have to hurry.
They scooted the ladders over and repeated the process.
Kendra tried to pretend she was on a surreal playground,
where the kids waded in milk instead of sand and slid down
thick, meaty poles.
Kendra focused on climbing the ladder and landing as
lightly as possible. She worried that if either action became
routine, she could have a bad accident, spraining an ankle,
breaking a bone, or worse.
At the first sign that the flow of milk was slackening,
they collapsed in exhaustion, not worried about lying in
milk because their clothes and hair were already drenched.
Both of them gulped air desperately. Kendra put a hand to
her neck. My heart is beating like a jackhammer.
I thought I was going to puke, that was so foul, complained
Seth.
I’m more tired than sick.
Think about it. You’re dripping with warm, raw milk
while your face rubs down a cow nipple about a hundred
times.
More than that.
We doused the whole barn, Seth said. I’m never
drinking milk again.
I’m never going to the playground, Kendra vowed.
What?
Hard to explain.
Seth scanned the area under the cow. The floor has
drains, but I don’t think much of the milk is going down.
I saw a hose. I doubt the cow would like milk rotting
all over the place. Kendra sat up and squeezed milk out of
her hair. That was the best workout I ever had. I’m dead.