Maybe I can come some Tuesday
and she can do mine.
I see that for Rainie,
and maybe me, too,
the lines are blurry
between nurse, bodyguard, and hairdresser.
What’s with all that?
Rainie points her fork
in the direction of my face.
You mean my hair? It’s called bangs.
If you say so.
Rainie raises her eyebrows
and we both laugh.
I give Rainie the bed in Jonah’s old room,
and I lie down on the floor next to her,
on top of a scratchy woolen mill blanket.
I can hear the humming of Jonah’s
Food Truck,
the whooshing of O,
and the loud chirping of a cricket
that found its way into the house.
Then something draws me upstairs
into my parents’ big empty room.
I look out into the dark at Number 24.
Clay is standing at his window,
the dark shadow of his body
silhouetted by his desk lamp.
When he sees me,
he puts a hand flat against his window.
I put my hand flat to our windowpane
and we stand there like two aliens
communicating
from separate spaceships.
Back in Jonah’s room,
I am kept awake,
not by thinking of the trial tomorrow—
but by thinking about how sometimes
the universe
sends you just what you need—
right when you need it—
the gentle sound
of Rainie’s breathing,
Clay’s hand.
Headwater Courthouse
Outside the courthouse,
Mom’s lawyer explains
that we will be wanded
by a security officer
to check for metal.
Even us? I ask him.
For the first time
he looks annoyed
by what I’ve said.
Yes, Liv, everyone who goes into
the courthouse today.
I think maybe he is nervous.
After all, he is working on “contingency,”
so if he doesn’t win,
he doesn’t get paid.
Whatever money Mom gets,
he gets one-third.
If Mom gets nothing,
he gets one-third of that.
The security officer’s black wand
has a name on it
spelled out in neon-yellow letters—
Garrett.
He tells me to put my arms out
and waves GARRETT
over me and Mom
and Mom’s lawyer.
Nothing magical happens.
I’m not wearing any “metal.”
My court outfit is—
green leggings,
gray skirt,
Jonah’s yellow track jersey
with “CARRIER” on the back
dressed up with a green scarf.
No nail polish.
Jonah is coming separately
with Johnny and Vivian,
in a van that can carry him
in his wheelchair
with his machines.
He will get upstairs
to the courtroom
in an elevator.
We walk up a set of stairs
and on the wall
is a sign:
NOTICE:
FIREARMS PROHIBITED
IN THIS COURTHOUSE
I am glad I thought to hold
Mom’s hand
on the way up.
The courtroom has
four tall windows on each side,
pale-blue carpet,
seven doors
(one in front with a red-and-white EXIT sign over it),
wooden desks with microphones,
lots of wooden benches and chairs.
In some ways
it reminds me of my geometry classroom—
there is a blackboard up front
and the ceiling lights have bugz in them.
Mom’s lawyer directs us
to sit on the left side
of the courtroom.
Mom sits at a table
next to him.
I sit on a bench
right behind them.
I see Clay
sitting next to his father
on the right side.
I can tell
by how still his head is
that he has his invisible
astronaut helmet on.
Gwen sits on Clay’s
other side.
Their lawyer sits next to
Clay’s dad.
There are two benches
full of people
behind them.
Elinor comes in
and sits next to me.
In the benches behind us,
our cheering section has
a few neighbors
from DEAD END,
a man from Tractor Barn,
and some people
I don’t know.
Like in the Wizard of Oz,
the judge suddenly appears
from behind a curtain.
The judge’s outfit
is a long black robe
like a wizard
or a Halloween witch.
She looks younger than Mom,
and her hair is pulled back
in a tight bun
so when she looks out
at the courtroom,
she doesn’t miss
anything.
I feel her
notice me
for just a second
and move on.
In that second
she shows her superpower—
to heat
up my face
with her eyes.
Someone says
All rise
and we stand up.
Then the judge says
Please be seated
and we all sit down,
and the trial begins.
Jonah
I am watching the few live flies
crawl around in the
ceiling lights
when Jonah is wheeled in
through a door in the front
of the courtroom.
There is instant silence
and all heads, even the judge’s,
turn to look at him.
I see what they see—
a skinny teenage boy with
light-brown hair and pale skin,
his head held to the support behind him
with a Velcro strap across his forehead.
A rubbery chest harness
holding his body in place in the chair.
More Velcro holding his feet in place—
in bright white never-used sneakers.
A dent on the right side
of his head.
Vivian pushes the chair
and Johnny wheels the portable O.
I also see what I always see—
my brother Jonah,
as Elinor told Mom,
caught in the belly of the whale.
Jonah’s eyes are wide open.
This is only the second time
he’s left Maddigan
since he came home
from the hospital.
The first time,
his Food Truck hookup
came out
and when the nurses
couldn’t get it back in,
he went by ambulance
to the hospital and back.
Not much of a field trip.
Suddenly,
Jonah’s whole body stiffens
and stretches,
his head twists against its str
ap,
and his raspy voice sounds out
in the courthouse,
KUH-LAY KUH-LAY KUH-LAY
KUH-LAY KUH-LAY
Jonah looks straight at Clay
and there’s no mistaking
what word he’s saying.
Almost as if he’s being ejected
from his shuttle
at warp speed,
Clay is at Jonah’s side.
Hey, Jonah, how ya doing?
KUH-LAY KUH-LAY
Yeah, Jonah, good to see you, too.
Jonah looks so astounded
to see Clay,
I wonder if he’s been thinking
that whatever happened to him,
worse had happened
to Clay.
Clay’s father stands up
and starts shouting at Clay.
CLAY, CLAY, what are you doing?
CLAY, get back here right now.
At one point,
both Jonah and Clay’s father
are calling Clay’s name
at the same time.
The security officer
is right there next to Jonah.
Another security officer
speaks to the judge.
Mom’s lawyer looks around at the chaos
and whispers to Mom,
but Mom is not paying attention to him.
Even if the word Jonah said is
Kuh-lay
and not Mom,
it shows her
he is in there.
She is staring at Jonah,
and then she is calling him
by his name
for the first time
since the accident.
JO-NAH, JO-NAH, JO-NAH
NO, STOP IT, PLEASE STOP, PLEASE STOP,
Gwen cries out and covers her eyes.
I can’t tell
who she’s talking to—
Jonah, Clay, Clay’s father, or Mom—
because everyone is yelling at once.
I go over to the right side
and stand in front of Gwen
and clap my hands,
GWEN (clap)
GWEN (clap)
IT’S OKAY. (clap)
I know it’s rude
to clap your hands
in someone’s face,
but my hands
are inspired.
Gwen uncovers her eyes.
All right, all right, thank you, Liv, she says,
and lets out a big breath.
I can feel her reaching out to me
like we are meeting
on the invisible line,
then remembering we’re
in the courtroom.
When I turn away from Gwen,
I see that my handclaps
got everyone’s attention,
because they are all
staring at me and
Gwen.
I push my bangs up
and stare back at them.
Clay has a look
of wonder
on his face.
Clay’s father’s face and neck
are red.
Mom turns her face
away.
Even the judge
is staring.
The judge pounds a wooden gavel
on her table
and announces that
everyone gets twenty minutes for
recess.
I want to see counsel in chambers NOW.
She points a finger at Mom’s lawyer
and Clay’s father’s lawyer.
Vivian and Johnny turn Jonah around
and wheel him back through
the door
he came in.
It may not have lasted long,
and definitely didn’t go
according to plan,
but at least Jonah had
his day in court.
Courtroom Decorum
After Mom’s lawyer meets with
the judge,
his face is red.
He scolds us—
for speaking out of turn,
walking across the courtroom,
clapping.
There’s such a thing as
courtroom decorum.
This judge will be deciding
your case,
he says.
Mom has some of her hard look
back,
and answers him,
May I remind you that YOU
are working for US.
I air clap for Mom
behind his back.
And another thing,
Mom says,
Jonah is NOT returning
to this courtroom.
You can use the video
you made
of him,
if you like.
Mom’s lawyer
looks down at the floor.
Very well. That’s your call.
Yes, it is,
Mom answers.
If you’ll excuse me,
I’ll be right back,
Mom’s lawyer says,
and exits through one of the three
back doors.
It’s just me and Mom.
She shakes her head at me.
GWEN?
Mom draws out the word
like it’s the longest one
in the dictionary.
Gwen makes the fudge,
I tell Mom.
Recess
I look at the big court clock.
I have seven minutes left
for recess.
I run down the stairs
past
NOTICE:
FIREARMS PROHIBITED
IN THIS COURTHOUSE
past GARRETT and his
security officer
and out the side door
of the courthouse.
The parking lot is full.
I see a bumper sticker
that says:
“Prayer is a way to get to heaven—
trespassing is faster.”
There is a TV news truck
and people with microphones
yell out to me—
Is Jonah coming back?
Is that his jersey
you’re wearing?
No comment,
I answer.
I go around to the river side
of the courthouse.
Two hawks are circling over
the water,
round and round,
then gliding
on air currents,
the ragged tips of their wings
outstretched.
I imagine myself up there with them—
a colorful hawk in
the other hawks curious but friendly.
I spread my arms out
and can feel the wind
beneath them
wanting to lift me up.
Next time I see Clay
by the river,
I’ll tell him
I’m having second thoughts
about being a beaver.
If I was a hawk,
I could follow the river from its
beginning in Moosehead Lake
to where it meets the ocean—
no dams or sluices to
block my way.
Witness
Mom’s lawyer calls Clay
to the witness stand.
He stands there
as still as a wall.
His ponytail
hangs just below the collar
of his white button-down shirt.
The judge turns to Clay
and says,
Would you please state your name for the court.
Clay LeBlanc
Could you please spell your first and last name.
C-L-A-Y L-E-B-L-A-N-C
Will you raise your right hand, p
lease.
Clay raises his right hand,
exactly as he did last night
in his window.
Elinor looks over at me
when my right hand goes up, too.
Do you solemnly swear that the testimony
you are about to give will be
the truth, the whole truth,
and nothing but the truth,
so help you God?
I do.
Please be seated.
I put my hand down
when Clay does.
Watching Clay,
there’s something I realize.
He wants to be up there.
He’s been waiting
for this chance.
He doesn’t know what
will come of it,
but he has to do it.
Just like in the game
Three Things,
when you answer
is when the truth
surprises you
by coming out.
I also see what his parents
and the judge
don’t understand
about Clay, the scientist.
The Tin Man
in The Wizard of Oz
had the biggest heart of all
but didn’t believe it
until the Wizard
gave him the proof
of the ticking clock.
Clay believes that
the facts
will show
what is real,
what was real.
Firearm
Maybe I trusted
too much in
FIREARMS PROHIBITED
IN THIS COURTHOUSE
but I notice
for the first time
what is on the desk
in front of Mom’s lawyer
with a tan tag tied to it,
and I shut the curtain
of my bangs.
I must make a funny noise,
because Mom
and Mom’s lawyer
turn toward me.
When I was little,
I would cross my eyes
to see double,
and that skill
comes back to me
in the courtroom.
I see one gun/two guns
two guns/one gun/two guns
as my eyes cross
and uncross.
Seeing one gun,
the gun that made Jonah
who he is now,
scares me.
Seeing two guns is just weird.
So I practice seeing two guns.
And I quiet the harsh sound
in my throat
by lifting my eyes—
through the slits
in my bangs—
back to Clay.
Clay
Mom’s lawyer
is the first to speak.
Clay, we have the record
of what you told the police,
and your deposition.
But I’d like you to
tell the court,
in your own words,
what happened when
you and Jonah Carrier
went into your attic.
The way Mom’s lawyer
says this,
it makes it sound like
“the court”
is a person,