“You’retalkingshit!”hesnaps.
“Ohreally?IputcamerasinChayne’scondo,Ben.Isawitall.You shouldhavethoughtaboutthat,maybeyoushouldhavegonetoyour place.Ihonestlythoughtyouweresmarterthanthat.Didyoureallythink Iwouldjustliedownandletherdestroyme?”
“Whatdoyouwant,Harrison?Whatdoyouneedtogetthoseclips destroyed?”
“Youmakeastatement,youtellthereporterswhatyoudidtoSierra andyouapologizepublicly.Then,yougetChaynetobackoff.Yougive herwhateveritissheneedstomoveon.Ifyoudon’t,Iwillshowthese tapestotheworld.IwillbringyoudownandIwilldestroyherwhileI’m atit.”
“Ican’tmakeastatement,itwillruinmycareer!”
“Thestatementisalreadyoutthere,thechoiceisyours,Ben.
Apologizeandhavethearticleremoved,orIshowthesetapestothe worldandruinmorethanjustyourcareer.Youwillbouncebackfroma statement,youwon’tbouncebackfrombeingthereasonmyfiancéleft me.”
“You’reafuckingbastard,MarcusHarrison.”
“Iam,youshouldhaveknownthatbeforeyoustartedthiswar.The choiceisyours,Ben.You’vegottwentyfourhourstodecidebeforeI releasethevideo.”
Ihangthephoneupandleanagainstthebackofmychair,sighing.I don’tgetachancetobreatheandfocus,whenChaynecomesstormingin.
Istareupather,lettingaslowgrinspreadacrossmyface.
“Howcouldyou?”sheshrieks.
“Chayne,don’tbothertryingtocomeinhereandmakemefeelbad aboutwhatyoudid.Youmadethemistake,youcheated,notme.Noneof thiswouldhaveeverhappenedifyoukeptyourlegsclosed.Iamapatient man,butwhenyouabusethewomanIloveinthewayyoudid,Ilosemy patience.Iamnolongerplayingwithyou.BenwilldoasIask,orIwill showtheworldtheclip.”
“Idon’tbelieveyouhaveit,”shesnaps,crossingherarms.
Iopenmycomputer,clickaroundafewtimesandthenspinthe screentofaceher.ShepalesrightawayatthesightofBenhavingsex withher,clearasday.Ispinthescreenaround.
“Don’tbothertryingtobeatmedowntogetthiseither,Ihavegiven copiestomanytrustedsourcestogiveoutforme,ifyoudecidedtostep inandmakemylifehell.”
“Whatdoyouwant?”shewhispers.“Youwon,sogoaheadandtell mewhatyouwant.”
“Iwantyougone.Iwantyoutoleaveandnottouchmythings.I’ll giveyoutwomillion,Iwillletyoukeepthecondoandthecarbutthat’s it.Iwantyoutowalkoutofhereandnevercomeback.Ifyoudon’t, Chayne,Iwilltakeyoudown.Youwillgetnothingandyouknowit.”
Hereyeswellup.“Ithoughtyoulovedme…”
“Well,it’sfunnyhowlovechangeswhentheoneyouloveopensher legsfortheworld…”
“Iputupwithyouforyears,”sheshrieks.“Stoodbyyourside,putup withyourmoods.Isupportedyou.”
Istandnow,slammingmyhandontothedesk.“Andthenyoustarted sleepingaround.DidyouhonestlythinkIwouldneverfindout?Youput yourselfinthissituationChayne,notme.”
“Andnowyou’releavingmewithnothing!”shecries.
“Areyoufuckingserious?Nothing?Iamgivingyoutwomillion dollars,ahouseandacar!”
“Ideservesomuchmore.”
Iwalkaroundthedesk,steppingclosertoher.“Doyouwanttotry me,becauseifyouwantwhatyoudeserve,Iamhappytogiveittoyou.”
“Ihateyou,Marcus!”
“Well,thefeelingismutual.Packyourthingsandleave,now.”
Shespinsonherheelandstormsout,slammingthedoorsoloudlyit rattles.Shit,ifIhavetodealwithanymoretoday,I’llknockmyselfout.
I’mabouttositdownwhenthephonerings,IlookdownandseeSierra’s number.Snatchingitup,Ianswerit.
“Sierra…”
“Howcouldyou?”sheseethes.
“What?”
“Howcouldyou,Marcus?Howcouldyouannouncetotheworldthat Benwastheonewhoabusedme?”
“Howdoyouknowitwasme?”
“You’retheonlyonewhoknew!”shescreams.“Howcouldyoudo thattome?ItoldyouthatbecauseItrustedyou.Howdareyougoand shareitwiththeworld.Allyouhavedoneismakethesituationworse.”
“HowdidImakeitworse?Iwasprotectingyou,theymadeyouout tobea…”
“Goon,”shescreams.“Sayit!Awhore!”
“Hedeservedtopayforwhathedid.”
“Didyouthinkaboutmeatall,Marcus?Evenforasecond.Didyou thinkabouthowthiswouldlookforme?Youmadeitworse,itwasn’t yourplacetosharethat.Itwasn’t!”
“Sierra…”
Goddammit,MarcusHarrison,whenwillyourealizethatsometimesyou can’tfixthings.Whenwillyoustoptryingtobeincontrol?Youonly madeitworse.NowpeoplearesayingImusthavebroughtituponmyself becauseofthearticleyesterday,theythinkIamplayingaroundwithmen andIdeservedwhathappened.God,Marcus,thanksalot.”
“Sierra,thatwasn’t…”
“Ihavetogo,Ican’tdothis.”
“Sierra...”
“We’redoneMarcus,ok?We’reover.Don’tcallmeagain.Allyou continuetoshowme…isthatyoucannotgiveupyourcontrol,noteven forme.You’renevergoingtobackdown,you’renevergoingtobe…
well…whatweneedyoutobe.I’msorry.”
Thenshehangsup.Ithrowthephonesohardagainstthewallit smashesintotinypieces.AsI’mstormingoutoftheroom,Istopinmy tracks.Didshejustsay…we?
CHAPTER14
SIERRA
“Ohno,hedidn’t.”
Istaredownatthepaperthenextmorning,andshakemyheadafew times.Itcan’tbeforreal.Marcus…he…didhe…ohgodhemadeBen givemeapublicapology.Isthatwhatthiswasaboutallalong?Getting Bentoapologize?Ican’tbelieve…Ican’tbelievehedidthis.Howdidhe gethimtodothat?Howdidhegethimtoadmittoit?Didhehavesome sortofevidenceIdidn’tknowabout?Iletmyeyesscanoverthepage andIreadthearticleyetagain.
‘BenjaminFordsteppedforwardyesterdaywithapublic announcementinregardstothepicturespostedinregardstohimand MissSierraWalters.Hisexactwordswere“Iwouldliketocomeforward andpubliclyapologizetoSierra.Itwasmewhoinflictedsuchpainonher allthoseyearsago.Itwasalsomewhosetheruptobecaughtwith MarcusHarrison.Iwouldliketoconfirmthatthepreviousarticlewas correctandthatSierranorMarcusplayedanypartinwhatwentdown.I can’texpresshowterribleIfeelabouttheeventsandhowtheyplayed out.MysincereapologiesgoouttoSierraandMarcus.”’
Istareatthepageforalongmoment.Ireallycan’tbelievewhatI’m seeing.Itdoesn’treallymakeanythingbetter,peoplewillbelievewhat theywant,butsomehow,deepinside…itmakesmefeelbetter.Hearing Benadmittotheworlditwashisfault,thathehurtme…itheals somethinginsideme.Ittakestheshameaway,ithelpsmegraspthe situationwithbothhands,insteadoflettingithangbyone.Idropthe newspaperandgoovertheconversationwithMarcusyesterday.Hewas devastated.IreallygaveittohimandIshouldhavelethimspeakfirst.
He’sbeentryingtocallsince…butIhaven’tanswered.WhatdoIsayto him?
“Honey,youmightwanttoseethis,”mymothercallsfromthe kitchen.
“Yeah,Iseenit.”
“No…ontelevision.”
Ilookupandthenstand,rushingintothekitchen.Thesmall televisionsheisstaringat,isblaringwithbreakingnews.WhenIhear Marcus’name…myheartclenches.
“What’shappening?”Iwhisper.
Mymothertakesmyhand.“He’sresigned.”
“What?”Icry,turningmyeyestowardsthetelevisionwhereMarcus isstandi
ngbesidethepresidentastheymaketheannouncement.People areshoutingquestionstoMarcus,whichheisansweringasbesthecan.
“Isthisbecauseofthearticlesinthepaper?”
“Ithasalittlesomethingtodowithit,yes.It’snottheoverallreason though.IjustfeelmytimeintheWhiteHouseisdone.It’stimeformeto branchoutandcreatesomethingformyself.”
“AreyougoingtofindSierra?Rumorshaveitthatyoutwoare together?”
“Nocomment.”
“WhataboutChayne?”
“Chaynehasfoundherowncareerandwewillpartourseparate ways.Therewillbenofurthercommentonthematter.”
Chaynehasgone?What?
“Whatwillyoudonow?”
Marcussmilessoftly.“Ireallydon’tknow,butIhaveafewbusiness ideasinmind.”
“Whateverhappens,wewishyoutheverybest.”ThePresidentsays.
Thenthetelevisionchangestosomeotherbreakingnews.Myfingers trembleasIprocesswhatjusthappened.MarcusHarrisonresigned?He gaveuphiscareer?Why?DidChaynehavesomethingonhimafterall?
Mymothergripsmyarmandgentlyrubsit.
“Thisisagoodthing,honey.”
“Itdoesn’tmeananythingchangesforus,heprobablygotforcedout ofthejob.”
“Iwoulddoubtthat.”
Iclosemyeyesandtakeadeepbreath.It’sfine,Sierra.Youhaveto talktohimsometimeanyway.You’recarryinghischild.
“WhatdoItellhim,momma?”
“You’repregnant,love.Youhavetotellhim.”
“Iknowbut…”
“Hedeservesthatmuch…”
Inod,swallowing.“Iknowhedoes.”
“Justseewhathappens,seewhereheendsupbeforeyoumakeany choices.”
IgiveheraweaksmileandthenIhughertightlybeforeheadingout intothelivingarea.Myfatherisjustcomingin,hegivesmeasmileand ahugbeforetellingmeabouthismorningrounds.Ilistenintently,but mygazesoonslidestothesleek,black,SUVpullingintomydriveway.
Myhearthammersagainstmychest.Myfathernoticesmystareand turns.Abroadsmilecreepsacrosshisface.HelikesMarcus,sowhenhe stepsoutofthevehicle,hechucklessoftly.
“ThoughtIlikedthemanwhenheresignedforyou,buthell,Ilike himevenmorenow.”
“Hemightnotbehereforme,”Iwhisper,watchingMarcusgetout ofthedriver’sseat.
Helooksdazzlingandcompletely…relaxed.I’mnotreallysurewhat Iexpectedhimtolooklike.Ithoughtmaybehe’dbeangry,orsad,or wonderifitwasthewrongmove,buthelookscompletelycalmashe stridestowardsthehouse.Thetightblackt-shirtheiswearing,does amazingthingstohischest.He’sgotonapairofbluejeansandsome heavyblackbooks.Iloveseeinghimso…casual.Hejustlooksso perfectly…well…perfect.Myfathershovesmetowardsthedoor,to whichIgivehimascowl.Igothough,unabletostopmylegsfrom moving.
WhenIreachthedoor,Marcusstopsandhiseyessoften.Hislips partashebreathesindeeply.Hisheadtiltstotheside,justafraction beforehestepscloser.Istepoutthedooruntilwe’reonlyinchesapart.
MyheartishammeringasIstareupintothosedeep,browndepths.I’ve missedhiseyesnearlymorethananythingelse.Theytakemetoanother place.Thepromiseofhappiness,trust,loveandmostofall,raw,sexual desire.Iswallow,forcingtheburningtearsbackdown.Idon’twantto cry,notrightnow.Hemightbeheretosaygoodbye.Ihavetosavethe tearsforthat.
“Youresigned,”Ifinallycroak.
Hiseyessoftenandhemurmurs.“Yes.”
“Why?”
“Ishouldhaveknown,”hesays,notansweringmyquestion.
“Shouldhaveknownwhat?”
“It’ssoperfectlyobvioustomenow.”
“Whatis?”
“Icanseeitwrittenalloveryou.Yourrosycheeks,yourshining eyes.Ishouldhaveknownwhenyourbreastsbeguntogrowandswell, andyourperfectlittlecherrynipplesgotdarker.”
Whatthefuckisheonabout?
“Marcus,nooffence,butthisisn’tthetimetogethorny.”
HechucklessoftlyandstepsforwardsoIcanfeelhisbodygently againstmine.
“You’recarryingmybaby,aren’tyou?”
Isuckinabreath,sothat’swhathewastalkingabout.Ifeelmy cheeksheatandIlookaway,buthegripsmychinandforcesmetolook upathim.
“Answerme,Sierra.”
“Yes,Marcus,I’mpregnant.”
IexpectedalotofthingswhenItoldhimthosefewwords.Ihonestly thoughtthefirstreactionwouldbeshock,followedbyangerandmaybe hewouldwalkawayandtakeafewhourstowraphisheadaroundit.
WhatIdidn’texpectisthewayhisfacelightsup.Hislipspartinpure, emotional,happiness.Hishandslidesuptohischest,andsplaysoutover hisheart.He’shappy.He’struly,unbelievably,happy.Ifeeloneofthose wellheldbacktearsslidedownmycheekandhereachesout,lettinghis fingercatchit.
“I’mgoingtobeadad?”herasps.
“Yes.”
“Oh,Sierra…IknewIwantedkidsoneday,butIdidn’trealizehow much,untilthismoment.”
“Marcus…it’snotgoingtobeeasyif…”
Heputsafingertomylip.“Iresigned,Sierra.”
“Youdidn’ttellmewhy?”
Hiseyessearchmyface.“Sweetheart,youhaven’tfiguredthatout yet?”
“No,”Isqueak.
“Iresignedforyou.”
“Youcan’tgiveupyourcareerformeand…”
Hecutsmeoffagain,thistimewithakisstomylipsthathasmy kneesbuckling.Hishandwrapsaroundmywaistandhepullsmetohim asourlipscombineinasexualdancethathasmybodycomingalive.
Whenhepullsawayandbeginstalking,hisvoicesoundslikecandy dippedinchocolate.It’ssosensual,soreal,sofuckingperfect.
“Ididn’tgiveitupforyou,Sierra,Igaveitupforus.Youwereright, allalongyouwereright.IhavelivedyearsinajobthatIthought completedme.Iwenttowork,Ihadawoman,IthoughtitwashowI wantedmylifetogo.UntilImetyou.Everythingyoubelieve,everything you’repassionateabout…mademerealizethatlifeissomuchmorethan acareer.Itmademerealizethatacareerisnothing,ifyoudon’thave loveorfamilyinyourlife.Whenyouleftme,Sierra,myworldcrumbled.
I’veneverfeltsuchpain.Icouldn’timagineanythingworseintheworld, andsoImadeachoice.Imadeachoiceforyou,forthatbaby,butmost ofall,Sierra,Imadeachoiceforme.”
“Oh,Marcus,”Ibreathe.“Won’tyouregretit?”
“HowcouldIeverregretyou,sweetheart?Igaveuponecareer,butI havetheresourcestodowhateverIwant.It’snottheendforme,my careerwillgoon,but…ifIdidn’tmakeachoice…itwouldhavebeenthe endformeandyou.Youwerealwaysright,Ilivedmylifearoundpower.
Icontrolledeverythingsoperfectly,thatIthoughtIwassecure.When youwalkedaway,Ilostmycontrol.Itdidn’tmatterwhatIdid,Icouldn’t getyouback.Controlsuddenlybecameuseless.Isuddenlybecame helpless.Don’tyousee,sweetheart?Myworldwithoutyou,isn’taworld atall…it’smerelyanexistence.”
Iamcryingnow.Big,fat,uglytearsrolldownmycheeks.Marcus gripsmyfaceandhislipsslideacrossmycheek,thendowntomylips.I pressmyselfagainsthimandIkisshimback,hard,deep.Ihearmy familycheeringbehindus,andachuckleescapesMarcusattheirhappy whoops.Whenwepullapart,Ireachupandslidemyhandunderthe sleeveofhist-shirt.Ipinchtheskinonhisarmhardandheyelps.
“Don’tdoitagain,”Iwarn.
Heburstsoutlaughingandpullsmeclosetohischest.“Sweetheart,I believeyouneedsometherapyforthisconstantabuse.”
Igiggleandrubmycheekagainsthischest.
“Youshoul
dstopbeinganass,andIwon’thavetoabuseyou.”
“Ah,sothat’sthesecret.”
“Wheretonow,sir?”Imurmur.
“You’rereallypregnant?”
“Yes…”
“We’regoingtohaveababy?”
“Yeah.”
“Thenweneedtodotheonlythingthatseemslogicalrightnow.”
Ohwhat’shegoingtosaynow?Buyahouse?Acar?Getanewjob?
Moveaway?
“What’sthat?”
“Weneedtogoonadate.”
Huh?
~*~*~*~*
MARCUS
Ifeelmyheartquickenasshecomesaroundthecorner.She’s dressedinalightbluesummerdress.Herhairistieduplooselyandshe hasbarefeet,justlikeIrequested.IfeelmyvisioncloudasIstareatthe womanwhochangedmyworld.Idon’tregretasingledecisionImade, whenIseeherstandinginfrontofme,withthoserosyredcheeks.A smallsmilecreepsacrossherfaceandIgrin,steppingcloser.Iseeher momanddadstandinginthekitchen,smiling.Jayelleisclappingher handshappilybehindme.
“Areyouready,sweetheart?”Imurmur.
“ReadyasI’lleverbe.Wherearewegoing?”
“It’sasecret,”Igrin.
“Stillnoshoes?”
Ishakemyhead.“No,baby.”
“Allright,Itrustyou.”
Istretchoutmyhandandshetakesit,lettinghersoftfingerscurl aroundmine.Wesaygoodbyetoherparents,andItakeheroutsidetothe car.Iopenthedoorforher,andkisshersweetlipsbeforehelpingherin.
WhenIslideintothefrontseat,she’sflushingandlookingatmethrough thosethick,prettyeyelashes.She’sgivingmeoneofthosesexy,fuckme looks.
“Ithoughtyouwerepregnant,baby?”Ihusk,feelingmybodyjerkto life.
“Doesn’tmeanIcan’twantyou…doesn’tmeanIwon’ttakeyou…”
“Baby,”Imurmur.“You’rekillin’me.”
Shesmiles,givingmealustfullook.“That’stheplan,revengeand allthat.”
“Badgirl,”Igrowl.
“Onlyforyou,sexysweet.”
Grinning,Istartthecarandbackoutofthedriveway.Webegin drivingtowardsthelocationIhaveallsetoutforus.Ittakesusagood threehourstogetthere,butwechattheentiretime.Wetalkaboutthe baby.She’sconvincedit’saboy,I’mprettysureit’sagirl.There’sjust somethingsobeautifulthathappensinsideme,whenIthinkofatinygirl tocherish.Smiling,Ileanbackintothechair.