—Mary Ellen Kelly
“There’s no better feeling in the world than a warm pizza box on your lap.”
—Kevin James
“The shortest period of time lies between the minute you put something away for a rainy day and the unexpected arrival of rain.”
—Jane Bryant Quinn
“The optimist proclaims that we live in the best of all possible worlds, and the pessimist fears this is true.”
—James Branch Cabell
“I once wanted to save the world. Now I just want to leave the room with some dignity.”
—Lotus Weinstock
The Welwitschia plant (found only in Southern Africa) can live for 1,000 years.
ANSWER PAGES
OL’ JAY’S BRAINTEASERS
(Answers for page 166)
1. HUNGRY BOOKWORM. The bookworm only eats through 2½ inches of book. That’s because he started at page 1 of the book on the left (which is facing the right side) and only has to eat through the front cover of book 1, the back cover of book 2, all of the pages of book 2, then through the front cover of book 2, then through the back cover of book 3. At that point he will have reached the last page of book 3 and can stop eating.
2. THE 5TH CONDITION. The person must also be elected.
3. SURROUNDED. Julia will just have to wait until the merry-go-round ride ends…and then dismount.
4. BUILDER BLUNDER. The house address numbers were missing. Each number cost $1.00. So 1000 would have cost $4.00 and 50 would have cost $2.00. But since their new neighborhood only had nine houses, their addresses were each a single number, costing them a total of only $3.00.
5. THE RUNAROUND. One-eff Jef ran around the chair twice and then said, “I’ll be back in a week to run around it a third time,” knowing that Two-eff Jeff wouldn’t be able to sit there for an entire week.
6. A MOTHER’S GIFT. The answer is coal, which starts out black, but becomes a diamond in the rough after Mother Earth “smothers” it for a few million years. Thanks, Mom!
7. FEELING FLAT. The flat tire was Thom’s spare tire—in his trunk the whole time.
8. COFFEE DELIVERY! Maggie filled the three-gallon bucket with coffee and then poured it into the five-gallon bucket. Then she filled the three-gallon bucket again and carefully poured it into the five-gallon bucket until it was full, leaving exactly one gallon of coffee in the three-gallon bucket. And then we had coffee!
Film star Jackie Chan’s father was a spy for Taiwan.
EXERCISE YOUR BRAIN
(Answers for page 236)
1. New Hampshire.
2. Alphabetical order—if you spell out the numbers.
3. The letter Q.
4. Four.
5. The letters -ANT can be added to all of them to form new words.
6. Hawaii and Louisiana.
7. Mechanics, or mischance.
8. Connect I cut (Connecticut).
9. Seven.
10. Strengths.
11. Cobra, crab.
12. Donkey—each of the others begins with the name of another animal: pigeon, beetle, bullfrog.
13. Spell each of the numbers from 0 to 99—none contain the letters a, b, c, or d.
14. In capital letters, the word has “180-degree rotational symmetry,” meaning that if you turn the book upside down, it still says SWIMS.
15. Catchphrase.
THE COLLECTORS
(Answers for page 277)
1. c 2. p 3. f 4. x 5. r 6. i 7. k 8. s 9. l 10. n 11. e 12. w 13. b 14. o 15. g 16. t 17. m 18. u 19. a 20. q 21. v 22. y 23. h 24. d 25. j
“STRONGER THAN DIRT”
(Answers for page 321)
1. Sony PlayStation (2002)
2. L’Oreal (1967)
3. Radio Shack (2005)
4. GEICO (2004)
5. Mentos (1991)
6. Wonderbra (1994)
7. General Electric (1954)
8. Sprite (1996)
Bubble gum was originally called Blibber-Blubber gum (1906).
9. Bayer (2004)
10. Coca-Cola (1929)
11. Kix (1980)
12. Ford (1972)
13. Viagra (2002)
14. Quaker Puffed Wheat (1920)
15. Ajax Detergent (1962)
16. Pepsodent (1956)
17. Pringles (1990)
18. Morton Salt (1911)
19. Foster’s Lager (1992)
20. Miller High Life (1904)
21. Microsoft (1996)
22. Playtex Cross-Your-Heart Bra (1965)
23. Nair (1987)
24. Peace Corps (1961)
25. J.C. Penny (1999)
26. Greyhound (1957)
27. United Negro College Fund (1972)
28. Mazda (2003)
29. Disneyland (1955)
30. Meow Mix (1976)
31. Esso/Exxon (1964)
32. BMW (1975)
33. Avis Rent-a-Car (1962)
34. U.S. Army (1981)
THERE’S NO PLACE LIKE ZAMUNDA
(Answers for page 373)
1. c), 2. k), 3. l), 4. d), 5. q), 6. b), 7. m), 8. j), 9. r), 10. i), 11. h), 12. o), 13. n), 14. a), 15. f), 16. e), 17. p), 18. g)
TOAD AWAY
Australian Cane toads are nearly as big as dinner plates…and poisonous. Their venom has been known to kill large dogs within minutes. That’s why Jackson Crews was worried when he saw his dog Bella mistake a cane toad for a pie he was feeding her in his backyard in Bakewell, Australia. “She swallowed it whole,” said Crews. He rushed Bella to the vet, where they gave her “an injection to help her vomit.” Finally, 40 minutes later, she threw up and out came the toad. And it started hopping around. Amazingly, both animals survived. Vet workers then caught the toad and kept it at their office. They named it Spew.
Thinnest part of the Earth’s crust: about 3.7 miles. Thickest: about 46 miles.
UNCLE JOHN’S BATHROOM READER CLASSIC SERIES
Find these and other great titles from the Uncle John’s Bathroom Reader Classic Series online at www.bathroomreader.com. Or contact us at:
Bathroom Readers’ Institute
P.O. Box 1117
Ashland, OR 97520
(888) 488-4642
Also available
from Uncle John’s
Bathroom Reader!
THE LAST PAGE
FELLOW BATHROOM READERS:
The fight for good bathroom reading should never be taken loosely—we must do our duty and sit firmly for what we believe in, even while the rest of the world is taking potshots at us.
We’ll be brief. Now that we’ve proven we’re not simply a flush-in-the-pan, we invite you to take the plunge: Sit Down and Be Counted! Become a member of the Bathroom Readers’ Institute. Log on to www.bathroomreader.com, or send a self-addressed, stamped, business-sized envelope to: BRI, PO Box 1117, Ashland, Oregon 97520. You’ll receive your free membership card, get discounts when ordering directly through the BRI, and earn a permanent spot on the BRI honor roll!
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Go with the Flow…
Well, we’re out of space, and when you’ve gotta go, you’ve gotta go. Tanks for all your support. Hope to hear from you soon. Meanwhile, remember…
Keep on flushin’!
Table of Contents
Title Page
Our “Regular” Readers Rave!
Copyright
Thank You!
Contents
Introduction
BATHROOM LORE
Short
Back Side Story
Hollywood’s #1 Star
Beware! Toilet Attack!
Medium
Bathroom New
s
Uncle John’s Stall of Fame
Butt…Butt…
Toilet Tech
Bathroom News
Uncle John’s Stall of Fame
FADS & FLOPS
Medium
Fast Food Flops
Like, Totally ’80s Slogans!
The Tapeworm Diet
High-Tech Toy Flops
POP SCIENCE
Short
Let’s Do a Study
Medium
The Lego Spill of ’97
Robots in the News
The Constellations
13 Things About Botulism
Q&A: Ask the Experts
Come See the Meteor Showers
Long
What Race(s) Are You?
ALMOST HISTORY
Medium
Atom Bombs Away!
Unamused
The (Almost) Colony
Long
The Plot Against FDR
Project Orion
*The Secret Race to the Moon
SPORTS
Short
Super Bowl Trivia
Medium
Games People Play
After the Olympics
Sacrifice on the Softball Field
Basketball Team Name Origins
The Sumo Way
Death in the Ring
Long
The Runningman, Part I
The Godfather of Fitness
The Runningman, Part II
LIFE IS STRANGE
Short
World’s Largest…
Bra-vo!
Medium
Don’t Make Them Angry
Strange Coincidences
Heeere’s Baby!
Uncle John’s Creative Teaching Awards
It’s a Conspiracy!
It’s a Weird, Weird World
The World’s Largest…
Weird Attractions
Ironic, Isn’t It?
High-Tech Underwear
IT’S A BLUNDERFUL LIFE
Short
Injury…Meet Insult
Oops!
Medium
Oops!
Wow! That’s Dumb!
Oops!
MUSIC
Short
Woodstock, Y’all
Musical Notes
Hip-Hop Namez
Medium
Behind the Hits
Not-So-Easy Riders
Long
*Rock ’n’ Roll Lawsuit
ORIGINS
Medium
Founding Fathers
Random Origins
Cocktail Party
FORGOTTEN HISTORY
Medium
History’s Last Stands
Lost Arts
The Comstock Lode, Part I
The Comstock Lode, Part II
The Comstock Lode, Part III
More Lost Arts
Where’d They Go?
Long
Dustbin of History: Masabumi Hosono
The Mercenaries
The Comstock Lode, Part IV
BODY OF KNOWLEDGE
Short
Open Wide
Medium
Medical Miracles
Know Your Knuckles
A Hole in the Head
Maneuver-Ability
The Truth About Food Allergies
THE DRIVER’S SEAT
Short
Steered Wrong
A Beetle by Any Other Name
Medium
The Da Vinci of Detroit, Part I
Hypermiling
The Da Vinci of Detroit, Part II
Long
Hypermiling
HI-TECH BITS & BYTES
Short
Networds
The Internuts
Medium
Plug and Play
Long
eBay: The Real Story
CANADIANA
Short
30 People You Didn’t Know Were Canadian
Medium
Weird Canada
Long
*The Snowmobile
CREATURE FEATURES
Short
In Hog We Trust
Man’s Best Friend
Weird Animal News
Medium
The Mysterious Eel
Cows on the Run
Owney Goes Postal
POLITICS
Short
The Commander Guy
Poli-talks
Nixonia
First Lady Firsts
Medium
Political Animals
Govern-Mental
More Political Animals
Long
The Magna Carta
*World Politics
FOOD FOR THOUGHT
Short
Cheesey Does It
Tequila Mockingbird
The Last Meal
Junk Food Recipes
Medium
Regional Treats
Founding Food-ers
Founding Food-ers
Long
Seafaring Food in the Age of Sail
The Joy of Cookbooks
*Layers of the Onion
*The Kitchen Olympics
GAMES & AMUSEMENTS
Short
Blokus, Anyone?
Medium
Duck…Duck…Goose!
The World of War Games
Weird Video Games
Long
The First War Game
Roll the Dice
The Original Dungeon Masters, Part I
*The Original Dungeon Masters, Part II
LAW & ORDER
Short
Court Transquips
Law and Order: Special Pants Unit
Looney Laws
Medium
The Big Brother Files
Dumb Crooks
Strange Lawsuits
AROUND THE HOUSE
Short
Hats Incredible
Bedtime Stories