Poetry Collection One:
Shadow Self Persona
Written and published by Ashley Rebecca Kingston
All rights reserved.
No part of this publication may be reproduced in any form or by any electronic means
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Only exception being, is by a reviewer, who may quote short excerpts in a review.
Copyright © 2016 Ashley Rebecca Kingston
Published: March 01, 2016
ISBN: 9781311365446
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Contents:
A Brush With – April.12.2004
Against The Wall - May.31.2002
A Short Thing Of My Fallings - March.29.2004
Air - September.04.2002
A Line For Your Life Story - July.14.2004
A Minute - July.04.2002
A Nothing Daughter To Her - March.08.2004
Betrayal In My Eyes - September.09.2009
Alex - Dec.12.2010
Back In The Day - June.17.02
Away But Here - February.10.2004
As High As Heaven - May.13.2002
All Alone - May.18.2002
Anything In Everything - November.17.2003
Before I Drown - January.05.2004
Attempt To Disappear - February.16.2004
Because Of Him, Who I Hate - March.08.2004
Forever, Sweet Thing - Feb.24.2004
Facing The Haunted - January.04.2010
Dripping Tips - September.30.2003
Can't - February.19.2004
Don't Touch Me - Sept.17.2011
Can Be Only Mine - July.24.2011
Box - January.12.2002
Horrid Occurrence - December.21.2010
Can't Quiet The Chaos - May.07.2004
Broken And Numb - July.18.2011
How Can Two Ever Be One - May 01.2012
Nothing To Stop - February.14.2004
I've Lost Time - May.27.2012
My Open - November.05.2002
Masochist - January.17.2011
If Ever I Found Out - August.17.2004
Into Those Eyes Is The Beginning - August.17.2010
Is Now - May.21.2002
I Hear Music - August.24.2004
How To Not Be Blind By You - Oct.12.2012
Pit Of Hell - December.14.2001
You Were Always - April.29.2002
Shut It - December.04.2001
White Painting - February.24.2004
What Do I Do Now - Sept.28.2012
Walking In - September.17.2011
Sometimes I Think, Of What He Said - November.09.2003
Then A Pause - November.21.2012
Waiting For - August.11.2010
Seven Days Past - March.01.2010
Resting Upon - July.15.2004
Repeat - August.19.2011
Sexual Being Developing - July.19.2003
A Brush With
April.12.2004
a quick brush with luck
a sudden urge to disappear
some things are surprising
yet others are just so clear
if only you would pay attention
to the heart of the ones you care for
you wouldn't be so surprised
when they tell you who they really are
little things do not have to matter
when fragile lives are at stake
words can burn a thousand holes
if only you were careful what you say
Against The Wall
May.31.2002
Up against, a wall
Finally hitting, the jagged brick
Finding the big, ending
Face to face, with my fate
Up against, the hard cold wall
Finding the end, of the game
Finding out, we are the same
Hitting, the darkness within myself
Up against, the wall
Finding my own personal space
Finally seeing, into, myself
Up, against a wall
Finally, hitting the brick
Finding, that big ending
Face to face, with my fate
A Short Thing Of My Fallings
March.29.2004
i know i should have told you earlier
but i couldn't find the right words
i haven't quite been myself lately
i am sometimes too confused to even breathe
but the point i wanted to let you know
is i've only ever felt the meaning of life
only twice in my lifetime on this earth
and from those times i had been torn apart
so i swore to myself that i'd never fall again
for fear i'd never be able to put myself together
but i think you are trying to pull apart my insides
my wall of bricks sometimes doesn't seem as high
Air
September.04.2002
a soft little whisper
gathers speed on the wind
fairy dust sparkles in the sand, at my feet
trees, with weeping fingers watch me
water, just barely touching, lapping at the land
soft green moss, grows on the rocks
secret islands, hidden deep in the forests
i try
to keep breathing
i try, please just give me, air
but it's so hard, not leaving
it's so hard to stay, to fight for this
when all i want to do, is stay
when all i want, is it my own damn way
when all there is left, to do
all i keep wanting, is to be with you
no fantasy tale of shiny knights and white things
no lies and secrets, hidden beneath your sheets
no running away, no made up story telling
just a warm breath of air on my cheeks
that is as real, as air through my finger tips
A Line For Your Life Story
July.14.2004
Nothing is exploding,
not quite a million pieces.
There will always be darkness,
that hole can't just be plugged.
There is a hope of greater things,
there are still chances,
still so many chances to choose.
Because there must be some reason,
we just have to stand our ground,
on whichever path is truly our own.
You are a very blessed man,
to have found a real other piece.
And you have so many things.
Yet life is like no movie ever made,
you are the one living it,
you write your own life story.
A Minute
July.04.2002
In a minute, I'll collapse
Fall apart, take a glance
Take me away, from this place
I feel alone, in my lonely space
In a minute, all hell will break lose
I've lost my past, all at once at last
Falling from above, to the ground
So cold and lonely, without a
sound
In a minute, I'll collapse
To fall apart, take a glance
At what I was, at what I am
I am not the same, I am everything
A Nothing Daughter To Her
March.08.2004
a disrespectful, thing to do
she can't even back her theories up
i think it was horribly rude of her, incredibly hurtful of her
to do such a thing with her memory
she just skips the whole subject, pushes it to the side
only acknowledging what she remembers to be true
i want to hang up the phone, and run and hide
scream my lungs out with my anger and frustration
i can't stand being born, her daughter
her blood courses through my veins, and it hurts
i cannot have a sane adult conversation
because i am just so much smaller and dumber
the creation that was tossed aside because of unforeseen defects
i compare family relationships, to white horses and knights
they are only figments of my imagination from the movies
Betrayal In My Eyes
September.09.2009
Betrayal in my eyes, deny once, twice, three times.
A look of disbelief stares back at me, digging deeper into me, questioning my existence.
I am speechless after my fifth attempt in comforting her, I don't know what else to say.
To defend myself or fix the tears ready to flow down her face and drown me in regret and guilt.
So much regret. But would I really do it any differently? No.
I will not let them make me wrong, I believe in my effort and pain in trying to help, only wanting to help.
Not just me, but the former me I will not let unchain itself from my ankle.
What have I become, what have I caused and forced upon others, we brush it off as play and fun.
But this is real blood I search for and drown in, every time I close my eyes.
Alex
Dec.12.2010
private moments, happiness enjoyed.
this took time to grow.
we exchange and nurture.
conversations on ideas and trust,
stories of boys and life.
two sides of a coin,
we couldn't be more different.
thank you for the memories,
i'm so grateful to have met you.
so sad when space will separate us,
i'll remember our friendship forever.
we made a lasting impression.
Back In The Day
June.17.02
Do you remember brother, when we were kids?
When we were so young and small, so innocent and naïve.
When we had nothing else to do, but entertain ourselves with playing.
So long ago, you and I were the best of friends.
Just you and I, an older sister and a younger brother.
Just you and I, no other stupid people, no other people at all.
We were friends, through all the rough and crazy times.
We even made it through those times our parents loudly fought.
Not hiding away, but contently staying in my room just playing.
Tape recording our voices and stories, reenacting, creating and laughing
But I do remember, the moment this all suddenly changed.
When my some sort of life found and took me away, when I grew up.
But now I look backwards and forwards, and see only pain.
To think of how things are now, and if they'll continue this way.
It also hurts to remember, and regret the other parts of my childhood.
I am terrified of what I will never do, and what I haven’t accomplished or forgiven.
I try to change things for the better, but some things just can't be undone.
Like a real true friendship, or a real true family.
I look at how things are now, and how bleak this future looks.
I stand frozen in fear, of what I know will soon be next.
I don't know if I want things to change, if only into some other kind of hell.
I wouldn't be able to stand it, if anything else were to go so awry and wrong.
I need to fix a lot of things, but only find myself unable to move.
Because I just care too much, and honestly shouldn’t really be left alone.
Do you remember brother, when we were young children?
When we were so silly and stupid, so ignorant and carefree.
When we had nothing else to do, but entertain ourselves in our imaginations.
So long ago, you and I were the best of friends.
Just you and I, an older sister and a younger brother.
Just you and I, no other stupid people, no other people at all.
Away But Here
February.10.2004
although you've been away
you are still with me
when i close my eyes
you are tightly held in my arms
holding onto my hand
you never really left me
i never really died inside
because we couldn't make it work
because you're always with me
we were apart only a couple times
feels like eternity this time
but we find each other again
in the darkness there is hope
although you've been away
life has been happening around us
a lot of things have changed
i wonder if we'll ever make it
although you've been away
As High As Heaven
May.13.2002
I feel as high as heaven
To be grasped in his loving arms
With love as a shield and armor
I could go through any weather
I feel as high as heaven
With the stars as my pillows at night
As to wish upon the planets
For my loneliness to take flight
I feel as high as heaven
Hyped on the potion love makes
Higher than the moon at night
With you I can get through any fight
I feel as high as heaven
Without any regrets in the past
No turning back now
For love is forever lasting
I feel as high as heaven
Just like it will soon be some day
Without any mistakes or lies
I hope to be with you for just as long
I feel as high as heaven
With the stars as my pillows at night
I dream of the future in ever lasting love
When we'll fly just like the air above
All Alone
May.18.2002
All alone,
walking down the scary dark streets
avoiding the cold sinister stares
spinning this lonely web of life
All alone,
abandoned in the dark corners of this earth
looking through other peoples’ lies
hiding from the cruel shadows of life
All alone,
just dreaming this lonely life away
with nothing else really to do
wandering the streets to find no help
All alone,
to try to find any hint of happiness
with not even a family to remember
with nothing left to hold on to hope for
All alone,
just hiding from those horror driven shadows
in the dark corners of the earth
spinning what remains of my lonely web of life
Anything In Everything
November.17.2003
Taken by the water,
stripped naked, on the ground.
Softly touched in secret plac
es,
getting all wet, feeling every single sound.
Not knowing what to do,
but somehow knowing exactly what to do.
Nothing at all was planned,
with this so fleeting entanglement.
There will be no more meetings,
no more getting together in the dark.
This was the last, but of the first, to just be taken and not be hurt.
It was the place, they knew that much,
but that was all there was for them.
For every second that went by,
there were no whispers, there was no time.
It took forever, yet only a moment had passed,
between them no words and no lies.
It could have been, so many things,
anything could of happened, memories made.
But with the grace, of the moon that night,
there were no plans on this happening again.
No goals of acceptance, with the stars laid out,
some blood was spilled and small scars left.
Some seeds were sewn, but no accomplishments,
just life in itself inside the cold darkness of.
It started by the window, and all through the night, but only by the weeping trees.
There were no words to be said,
there was just walking, hand in hand after the deeds of love.
There was just silence, below their feet on the land, and the memories left to be forgotten.
Before I Drown
January.05.2004
No matter which way
you look at it
I am lost
in my dark whirl wind of a mind
And others just don't care
just don't care one bit about me
Because they live
in their own little bubbles