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    Autobiography of Red

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      Ancash was saying,

      there’s a village in the mountains north of Huaraz called Jucu and in Jucu

      they believe some strange things.

      It’s a volcanic region. Not active now. In ancient times they worshipped

      the volcano as a god and even

      threw people into it. For sacrifice? asked Geryon whose head had come out

      of the blanket.

      No not exactly. More like a testing procedure. They were looking for people

      from the inside. Wise ones.

      Holy men I guess you would say. The word in Quechua is Yazcol Yazcamac it means

      the Ones Who Went and Saw and Came Back—

      I think the anthropologists say eyewitnesses. These people did exist.

      Stories are told of them still.

      Eyewitnesses, said Geryon.

      Yes. People who saw the inside of the volcano.

      And came back.

      Yes.

      How do they come back?

      Wings.

      Wings? Yes that’s what they say the Yazcamac return as red people with wings,

      all their weaknesses burned away—

      and their mortality. What’s wrong Geryon? Geryon was scratching furiously.

      Something biting me, he said.

      Oh shit I wonder where that blanket’s been. Here—Ancash pulled it off—

      give it to me. Probably

      parrot ticks those birds are—Hombres! said Herakles bounding up the ladder.

      Guess what? We’re going to Huaraz!

      Your mother wants to show me the town! Ancash stared dumbly at Herakles

      who didn’t notice but

      fell onto the cot beside Geryon. We’re going to see the high Andes Geryon!

      first thing tomorrow

      I’ll get a rental car and we’ll start. Be there by dark she says. Marguerite

      is giving your mom the day off

      he said turning to Ancash, so we can stay all weekend come back Sunday night—

      what do you think?

      He grinned at Ancash. Think you’re quite an operator is what I think.

      Yeah! Herakles laughed

      and flicked Geryon’s blanket. I’m a master of monsters aren’t I?

      He grabbed Geryon

      and tumbled him back onto the cot. Fuck off Herakles, Geryon’s voice came out

      muffled from under Herakles’ arm.

      But Herakles jumped up—Have to call the rental place—and rushed down the ladder.

      Ancash watched Geryon in silence

      as he gathered himself to the edge of the cot and sat slowly upright.

      Geryon you’ll have to be careful in Huaraz.

      There are people around there still looking for eyewitnesses. If you see someone

      checking your shadow

      you come get me, okay? He smiled. Okay. Geryon almost smiled.

      Ancash paused.

      And listen if you’re cold tonight you can sleep with me. With a look he added,

      Just sleep. He left.

      Geryon sat staring out over the roofs into the darkness. The Pacific at night is red

      and gives off a soot of desire.

      Every ten meters or so along the seawall Geryon could see small twined couples.

      They looked like dolls.

      Geryon wished he could envy them but he did not. I have to get out of this place,

      he thought. Immortal or not.

      He climbed into his sleeping bag and slept until dawn without moving.

      XXXVIII. CAR

      Click here for original version

      Geryon sat in the back seat watching the edge of Herakles’ face.

      ————

      He had dreamed of thorns. A forest of huge blackish-brown thorn trees

      where creatures that looked

      like young dinosaurs (yet they were strangely lovely) went crashing

      through underbrush and tore

      their hides which fell behind them in long red strips. He would call

      the photograph “Human Valentines.”

      Herakles in the front seat rolled down his window to buy a tamale.

      They were driving

      through downtown Lima. At each traffic light the car was surrounded

      by a swarm of children

      selling food, cassettes, crucifixes, American dollar bills, and Inca Kola.

      Vamos! shouted Herakles

      pushing the arms of several children out of the car as Ancash’s mother

      shifted gears and shot the car ahead.

      Bright smells of tamale filled the car. Ancash sank back to sleep

      with his head against

      a thick knot of greasy cloth plugging one of the holes in the side of the car.

      Got an air-conditioned one!

      Herakles had announced with a grin when he returned from the rental place.

      Ancash’s mother said nothing,

      as was her custom, but motioned him out of the driver’s seat. Then she

      took the wheel and off they went.

      They drove for hours through the filthy white sludge of Lima suburbs

      where houses were bags of cement

      piled up to a cardboard roof or automobile tires in a circle with one tire

      burning in the middle.

      Geryon watched children in spotless uniforms with pointy white collars

      emerge from the cardboard houses

      and make their way along the edge of the highway laughing jumping holding

      their bookbags high. Then Lima ended.

      The car was enclosed in a dense fist of fog. They drove on blindly. No sign

      of road or sea. The sky got dark.

      Just as suddenly fog ended and they came out on an empty plateau where

      sheer green walls of sugarcane

      rose straight up on both sides of the car. Sugarcane ended. They drove up

      and up and up and up

      around switchbacks carved out of bare rock higher and higher all afternoon.

      Passed one or two other cars

      then they were entirely alone as the sky lifted them towards itself.

      Ancash was asleep.

      His mother did not speak. Herakles was strangely silent. What is he thinking?

      Geryon wondered.

      Geryon watched prehistoric rocks move past the car and thought about thoughts.

      Even when they were lovers

      he had never known what Herakles was thinking. Once in a while he would say,

      Penny for your thoughts!

      and it always turned out to be some odd thing like a bumper sticker or a dish

      he’d eaten in a Chinese restaurant years ago.

      What Geryon was thinking Herakles never asked. In the space between them

      developed a dangerous cloud.

      Geryon knew he must not go back into the cloud. Desire is no light thing.

      He could see the thorns gleam

      with their black stains. Herakles had once told him he had a fantasy

      of being made love to in a car

      by a man who tied his hands to the door. Perhaps he is thinking of that now,

      thought Geryon as he watched

      the side of Herakles’ face. The car all of a sudden flew up in the air and crashed

      down again onto the road.

      Madonna! spat out Ancash’s mother. She shifted gears as they lurched forward.

      The road had been getting steadily

      rockier during their ascent and now was little more than a dirt path strewn

      with boulders. It seemed

      that darkness had descended but then the car rounded a curve and the sky

      rushed open before them—

      bowl of gold where the last moments of sunset were exploding—then another curve

      and blackness snuffed out all.

      I really could go for a hamburger right now, Herakles announced.

      Ancash moaned in his sleep.

      Ancash’s mother said nothing. The car passed a small ceme
    nt house with no roof.

      Then another. Then a huddle

      of women squatting on the ground smoking cigarettes in the glare of the moon.

      Huaraz, said Geryon.

      XXXIX. HUARAZ

      Click here for original version

      Water boils in Huaraz at seventy degrees centigrade.

      ————

      It is very high. The altitude will set your heart jumping. The town is held in a ring

      of bare sandrock mountains

      but to the north rises one sudden angular fist of total snow. Andes! cried Herakles

      as he entered the dining room.

      They had stayed overnight in Huaraz’ Hotel Turístico. The dining room faced north

      and was so dark against

      the morning light outside they were all momentarily blinded. They sat.

      I think we are the only guests

      in this hotel, said Geryon looking around the empty tables. Ancash nodded.

      No tourism in Peru anymore.

      No foreigners? No foreigners, no Peruvians either. Nobody goes north of Lima

      these days. Why? said Geryon.

      Fear, said Ancash. This coffee tastes weird, said Herakles. Ancash poured coffee

      and tasted it then spoke to his mother in Quechua.

      She says it’s got blood in it. What do you mean blood? Cow blood, it’s a local recipe. Supposed to

      strengthen your heart.

      Ancash leaned toward his mother and said something that made her laugh.

      But Herakles was gazing out the window.

      This light is amazing! he said Looks like TV! Now he was putting on his jacket.

      Who wants to go exploring?

      Soon they were proceeding up the main street of Huaraz. It rises in sharp relations

      of light towards the fist of snow.

      Lining both sides of the street are small wooden tables where you can buy Chiclets,

      pocket calculators, socks,

      round loaves of hot bread, televisions, lengths of leather, Inca Kola, tombstones,

      bananas, avocados, aspirin,

      soap, AAA batteries, scrub brushes, car headlights, coconuts, American novels,

      American dollars. The tables

      are manned by women as small and tough as cowboys who wear layers of skirts

      and a black fedora. Men wearing

      dusty black suits and the fedora stand about in knots for discussion. Children

      dressed in blue school uniforms

      or track suits and the fedora chase around the tables. There are a few smiles,

      many broken teeth, no anger.

      Ancash and his mother were speaking Quechua all the time now or else Spanish

      with Herakles. Geryon kept

      the camera in his hand and spoke little. I am disappearing, he thought

      but the photographs were worth it.

      A volcano is not a mountain like others. Raising a camera to one’s face has effects

      no one can calculate in advance.

      XL. PHOTOGRAPHS: ORIGIN OF TIME

      Click here for original version

      It is a photograph of four people sitting around a table with hands in front of them.

      ————

      The pipe glows on a small clay bowl

      in the middle. Beside it a kerosene lamp. Monstrous rectangles flare up the walls.

      I will call it “Origin of Time,”

      thought Geryon as a terrible coldness came through the room from somewhere.

      It was taking him a very long while

      to set up the camera. Enormous pools of a moment kept opening around his hands

      each time he tried to move them.

      Coldness was planing the sides off his vision leaving a narrow canal down which

      the shock— Geryon sat

      on the floor suddenly. He had never been so stoned in his life. I am too naked,

      he thought. This thought seemed profound.

      And I want to be in love with someone. This too fell on him deeply. It is all wrong.

      Wrongness came like a lone finger

      chopping through the room and he ducked. What was that? said one of the others

      turning towards him centuries later.

      XLI. PHOTOGRAPHS: JEATS

      Click here for original version

      It is a close-up photograph of Geryon’s left pant leg just below the knee.

      ————

      Resting the camera on the rear window of the car Geryon is watching the road

      fall away behind them

      into a light so brilliant it feels cold and hot at once. The car hurtles over gravel

      and rock traveling

      almost vertically on the steep mountain track that leads up to Icchantikas.

      Car travel gives some people hemorrhoids.

      Each time the car bounces him up and down Geryon utters a little red cry.

      No one hears him.

      Herakles and Ancash in the front seat are (in English) discussing Yeats which

      Ancash pronounces Jeats.

      Not Jeats. Yeats, says Herakles. What? Yeats not Jeats. Sounds the same to me.

      It’s like the difference between Jell-O and yellow.

      Jellow?

      Herakles sighs.

      English is a bitch, Ancash’s mother announces unexpectedly from the back seat

      and that closes it—

      Ancash hits the brakes and the car jumps to a halt. Geryon’s hot apple icepicks

      all the way up his anus to his spine

      as four soldiers appear from nowhere to surround the car. Geryon is focusing

      the camera on their guns

      when Ancash’s mother slides her left hand over the shutter and gently forces it

      out of sight between Geryon’s knees.

      XLII. PHOTOGRAPHS: THE MEEK

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      It is a photograph of two burros grazing on spiky grass in a stubble field.

      ————

      What is it about burros?

      Geryon is thinking. Except burros there is not much to see out the car window

      as he and the mother sit

      waiting in the back seat. The police have taken Ancash and Herakles down the road

      and vanished into a little adobe house.

      The burros seek and munch with their long silk ears angled towards the hot sky.

      Their necks and knobby knees

      make Geryon sad. No not sad, he decides, but what? Ancash’s mother says a few

      fast harsh Spanish words

      out her side of the car. She seems to be stating her mind boldly today, perhaps

      he will do the same.

      What is it about burros? he says aloud. Guess they’re waiting to inherit the earth,

      she answers him in English

      with a little rough laugh that he thinks about all the rest of the day.

      XLIII. PHOTOGRAPHS: I AM A BEAST

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