Thoughts Left Unsaid

  * * *

  Central Park’s trees had already thickened with green. Joggers and walkers populated the pathways. A trio threw a frisbee in a nearby field. I sat on a bench with my arm around Cheryl, her hand wedged between my legs, basking in the mild spring air. We’d thought for a while about taking a trip together and had finally decided on a few days in New York City, an anonymous couple blending in with the crowd. For me it was a business trip; I never asked what her excuse was.

  “How long do you think we can do this?” I said.

  She leaned a shoulder into me and I held her close. Her voice was soft, distant. “I don’t know.”

  “I’d leave Liz… to be with you.”

  She tilted her head up and looked into my eyes.

  “I mean it,” I said. “All this sneaking around. Sometimes I just want to see you, without waiting or hiding or whatever hoops we have to jump through.”

  “I know, David, so do I.” Our fingers intertwined. “It’s just all happened so fast. I didn’t think, at first, how we’d grow to feel about each other. We’re both married. We have families, kids.”

  “It happens.”

  “I know, but it’s a lot to give up. I just want to be sure.”

  Another month went by. We talked about it again, about divorcing and starting a new life together. She agreed that we couldn’t go on like this, and she didn’t want to live without me.

  Several days later she called me at work. “I have to see you.”

  “I’m heading into a meeting. Can I meet you after work?”

  Silence.

  “Cheryl?”

  “I’m pregnant.”

  My heartbeat shook my whole body. Another silence.

  “Is it…”

  “I don’t know,” she said.

  I drove her to the hospital the following week. I waited in the large foyer just inside the main entrance, restlessly flipping through an old issue of Time magazine while she saw her doctor. After what felt like hours, she walked towards me across the wide open space of the main hallway, her arms folded across her chest. I could tell the result by her sober expression.

  “It’s his,” I said.

  She nodded.

  We rode the garage elevator and walked to my car in silence. Inside the car she turned and looked at me with the same sober expression. “I’d thought about it,” she said. “If it was yours or his.” She took a deep breath. “We can’t keep seeing each other. Not with a baby, with his baby. Emotionally, and practically, I just can’t do it.”

  * * *

  At first Phil looked surprised at my admission of having fallen in love, then more discomfited. He fidgeted with the pool chalk. “David, that’s...I don’t know…does Liz know?”

  “I was going to tell her, but then, about three weeks ago, we broke it off. Circumstances, stuff happened, made it impossible to continue. I haven’t told Liz. I don’t know if I will.”

  He appeared visibly strained trying to think of something to say, but I could tell he was trying.

  “Maybe…I don’t know. Remember what you told me?” He dropped the pool chalk, picked it back up, cleared his throat. “You know, about paying attention to how you feel and just doing the best you can?” He looked towards the floor as he selected his words, but as he gained momentum he looked back at me. “I think you were right, you can’t plan everything out. I mean, life, it can throw curveballs at you. You never know what’s going to happen. Just look at me. A month ago my marriage wasn’t going so well. We were distant, not getting along, not like we used to. Then we took the trip to Maine to see if we could get back on track, and, well, we weren’t going to tell anyone this, not for a couple months anyway, but when we were in Maine, Cheryl told me she’s pregnant. We’re having another baby. It’s like, within the span of a couple weeks, everything’s changed. We somehow got our lives back.”

  I tried to look surprised. “Hey, that’s great Phil. Congratulations.”

  “I don’t mean to make this about me. All I’m saying is, life has its twists and turns. You just never know what’s going to happen.” He maintained a serious countenance, though his face had taken on an undeniable glow. He wasn’t used to talking so personally, and I could tell he was proud of his oration, of the trinket of clichéd wisdom he’d strung together.

  I wanted to tell him, to scream it at him. I loved his wife. I had loved his wife. For a few hopeful, expectant days, I thought the life growing inside Cheryl, the life that had somehow rejuvenated his relationship, his own life, might have been mine. I thought about it and I almost did it, but it wouldn’t have done any good now. It would have only created a mess.

  As Phil bent over to take a shot, I leaned back against the wall and stared absent-mindedly at the baseball game.

  ***Thanks for reading this free copy of “Thoughts Left Unsaid” by Alex Exley. Please consider rating this story or writing a review. If you enjoyed the quality of this story and are interested in erotic fiction with similar quality writing and storylines, check out Alex Exley’s collection of short stories, “Tales of Love & Lust.” Select erotic stories also sold individually.***