Quack remedies
Routine must be interrupted and steps must be taken:
krankfeiern (German) to call in sick (literally, to celebrate illness)
tombola (Kalanga, Botswana) to extract a thorn from flesh using a safety pin
tervismuda (Estonian) curative mud
verkwakzalveren (Dutch) to spend money on quack remedies
kudóripannugirathu (Tamil) to slit or cut the top of the head in order to put in medicine to cure dangerous diseases
Docteur, docteur
Few enjoy handing themselves over to doctors, but sometimes it’s unavoidable; or, as they say in France, inévitable:
trente-trois say ah! (literally, thirty-three – said by a doctor to the patient)
artilleur de la pièce humide a male nurse (literally, artil-leryman of the wet gun)
passer sur le billard to undergo surgery (literally, to go onto the billiard table)
Surgical spirit
In some societies recommended cures may not be primarily medical:
millu (Quechuan, Andes) a rock of aluminium sulphate used by witch doctors, who diagnose illnesses by analysing its colour change when it is thrown into a fire
ti-luoiny (Car, Nicobar Islands) to call on the spirit of a sick man to return
tawák (Tagalog, Philippines) a quack doctor with magic saliva
anavinakárayá (Sinhala, Sri Lanka) a juggler, one who practises incantations upon persons who have been poisoned or bitten by a serpent
indahli (Alabama, USA) to cut stripe marks on, in order to suck out blood (applied to a hexed or sick person)
Hex
A chilote Indian, who has gathered up the spittle of an enemy, will put it in a potato, hang it in the smoke, and utter certain spells in the belief that his enemy will waste away as the potato dries in the smoke. And many others, likewise, believe that one person can be responsible for another’s physical decline:
khmungha (Dakota, USA) to cause sickness or death in a supernatural way
The devil’s in the detail
If it’s an evil spirit to blame, it will need to be expelled. Methods differ:
tin-fu-ko (Car, Nicobar Islands) the driving out of the devil from a man by beating the ground with the thick stubs of a coconut leaf
sosela (Tsonga, South Africa) to cure a person by exorcism through the beating of drums
phurbu (Tibetan) ceremonial nails with which evil demons are symbolically nailed fast and banished
Corpse in the middle
The Koreans, Japanese and Chinese (both in Cantonese and Mandarin) avoid the number 4 since in all these languages it has a very similar pronunciation to the word for death. Chinese and Korean buildings often do not have a fourth floor, replacing the number 4 (sa) with the letter F. This is not the only number that the Chinese are wary of: the number 1414 is especially avoided because when spoken it sounds just like the words ‘definite death, definite death’. Many traditional Chinese people believe that having an uneven number of people in a photograph brings bad luck. To have three people is of greater consequence as the person in the middle will die.
Recuperation
With luck, however outlandish it is, the cure will work and time will do the rest:
mimai (Japanese) to visit a sick person in the hospital
hletela (Tsonga, South Africa) to help a sick person to walk; to lead, as a hen does her chickens
samaya (Maguindanaon, Philippines) a party held to celebrate the promised cure for someone who is sick
insobáayli (Alabama, USA) to have the feeling come back to a body part
amūlha-vinaya (Pali, India) an acquittal on the grounds of restored sanity
Curtains
But nothing can ever be taken for granted:
doi (Vietnamese) to make one’s last recommendations before death
urdhwaswása (Sinhala, Sri Lanka) the rattling in the throat which precedes death
agonia (Spanish) the dying breath
sa-soa (Bakweri, Cameroon) a comb; to make deathbed state-ments as to the disposition of property
Clogs and slippers
We kick the bucket or turn up our toes. The Russians play the snake, throw their hooves outwards, glue up their slippers, or throw out their best skates. The theme of no longer being shod and upright on your feet is widespread…
estirar la pata (Latin American Spanish) to stretch out your leg
colgar los tenis (Mexican Spanish) to hang up or hand in your tennis shoes
at stille traeskoene (Danish) to put aside the clogs
zaklepat bačkorama (Czech) to bang together a pair of slippers
oikaista koipensa (Finnish) to straighten one’s shanks
… but not exclusive:
gaan bokveld toe (Afrikaans) to go to the goat field
cerrar el paraguas (Costa Rican Spanish) to close the umbrella
liar el petate (Spanish) to roll up the sleeping mat
passer l’arme a gauche (French) to pass the firearm to the left
ins Gras beißen (German) to bite into the grass
a da coltul (Romanian) to turn around the corner
hälsa hem (Swedish) to send home one’s regards
irse al patio de los callados (Chilean Spanish) to go to the courtyard of the hushed
ya kwanta dama (Hausa, Nigeria) he is lying on his right arm (Muslims are buried not lying on their backs but on the right arm facing the Kaabah)
A thousand cuts
To die of an illness is not ideal, but in comfortable surroundings, with loved ones around us, perhaps better than some of the alternatives:
lepur (Malay) to die through suffocation in mud
asa (Korean) death from starvation
áhano’xéohtsé (Cheyenne, USA) to die from carrying a load
skeelah (Hebrew) stoning to death
lang-trÌ (Vietnamese) death by a thousand cuts (an ancient punishment)
prayopaveshī (Hindi) one who undertakes a fast unto death
chǒngsa (Korean) love suicide, double suicide
fwa imfwa leza (Mambwe, Zambia) to die abandoned and alone (without having anyone to fold one’s arms and legs for the burial)
lavu (Manobo, Philippines) to drown someone by overturning their canoe
Another way to go
The Fore tribe of New Guinea suffer from a terrible disease called kuru, which means shaking death. It is also known as the laughing sickness from the disease’s second stage in which the sufferers laugh uncontrollably. It has a 100 per cent fatality rate.
Stiff
There’s no saving us now; the best we can hope for is a little dignity:
tlanyi (Tsonga, South Africa) to find a person lying dead when one thought him alive
bahk’ e chamen (Chorti, Guatemala) the fright caused by looking at a corpse
kreng (Dutch) a dead body which is bloated from being sub-merged in water for a substantial period of time (also a bitch)
gruz 200 (Russian) corpses transported by air (literally, load 200)
False friends
arm (Estonian) scar
cocoa (Nahuatl, Mexico) to suffer pain
halal (Hungarian) death
kill (Amharic, Ethiopia) skull
kiss (Swedish) pee
men (Thai) a bad smell
rib (Somali) contraction
rat (Romani) blood
safari (Zarma, Nigeria) medicine
wish (Bashgali, India) poison; medicine
Feet first
Every culture attaches importance to a respectful disposal of the dead; but how exactly they do it is different all over:
vynosit’ (Russian) to bury someone (literally, to carry some-one out feet first)
monoklautos (Ancient Greek) with one mourner
tomboka (Luvale, Zambia) to dance (said of an executioner)
sahagamanamu (Telugu, India) the burning alive of a widow, with her dead husband
Leichenschmaus (German) the meal after the funeral (literally, corpse banquet)
xuxo (Tsonga, South Africa) the spot where an important man died; when rites are observed for his spirit, people go first to that place, then to his grave
Funeral crashers
‘A beautiful funeral does not necessarily lead to paradise,’ runs a Creole proverb and, were we still able to care, such a thought might be reassuring:
tumeakana (Yamana, Chile) to not show the grief for a friend who has died that is expected from relatives, to act when a mourner as though one was not a mourner
pesamenteiro (Portuguese) one who habitually joins groups of mourners at the home of a deceased person, ostensibly to offer condolences but in reality to partake of the refreshments which he expects will be served
In loving memory
Now all that’s left is for those who remain to remember and express their feelings:
di-huong (Vietnamese) the memory of a dead lover
keriah (Hebrew) a tear in clothes to signify a broken heart
miàti-drànomàso (Malagasy, Madagascar) to go up to the palace to weep on the decease of the sovereign
nyekar (Indonesian) to visit and lay flowers on the grave of a dead relative or friend
prātahsmaranīya (Hindi) worthy of being remembered every morning; revered
yortsayt (Yiddish) the anniversary of someone’s death
Hex revenge
While some love and remember, there are others who believe that if someone is ill and dies there must be someone to blame; and appropriate action may have to be taken:
rihehlo (Tsonga, South Africa) a spell cast upon a person by putting medicines on the grave of one killed by his witchcraft
Radish tips
Once under the ground we say we are ‘pushing up daisies’. For the French, though, to be dead and buried is either engraisser les asticots, fattening the maggots, or manger les pissenlits par la racine, eating dandelions by the roots. Even more imaginatively the Germans have sich die Radieschen von unten angucken, he’s looking at the radishes from below.
IDIOMS OF THE WORLD
Out of the frying pan and into the fire
min taht al dalf lataht al mizrab (Arabic) from under the drip to under the spout
dostat se z bláta do louie (Czech) out of the mud into the puddle
aasmaan se gire khajoor mein atke (Hindi) down from the skies into the date tree
takut akan lumpur lari ke duri (Indonesian) afraid of mud, escape to thorns
sudah jatuh tertimpa tangga pula (Indonesian) already fallen and hit by the stairs as well
lepas dari mulut harimau masuk ke mulut buaya (Indonesian) freed from the tiger’s mouth to enter the crocodile’s mouth
iz ognya da v polymya (Russian) from fire to flame
yağmurdan kacarken doluya yakalanmak (Turkish) caught by the hail while running away from the rain
24.
The Great Beyond
człowiek strzela, Pan Bóg kule nosi (Polish)
man shoots, God carries the bullets
So where do we go once the body has been burned, buried or, as with the Zoroastrian Parsees of India, pecked off the skeleton by vultures? It’s hard for us to believe that the particular vitality that once animated the face of a loved one hasn’t gone somewhere:
hanmdohdaka (Dakota, USA) to tell of one’s intercourse with the spiritual world, to speak unintelligibly
dagok (Malay) clouds on the horizon of weird and changing form (believed to be ghosts of murdered men)
beina-foersla (Old Icelandic) the removal of bones (from one churchyard to another)
Fancy meeting you again
For Hindus, Buddhists and Native Americans, among others, the afterlife is not necessarily another place:
gatâgati (Sanskrit) going and coming, dying and being born again
púsápalan panninavan (Tamil) one who in the present life receives the reward of merit acquired in a former state
apagabbha (Pali, India) not entering another womb (i.e. not destined for another rebirth)
tihanmdeya (Dakota, USA) to have been acquainted in a former state of existence
Just a jealous guy
For others, the spirits of the dead may well stick around and remain animate enough to be called on in times of need:
hanmde (Dakota, USA) to have intercourse with the spirit world
zangu (Luvale, Zambia) a dance to immunize an adulterous woman to the spirit of her dead husband
ngar (Kaurna Warra, Australia) the call of a dead person
kuinyo (Kaurna Warra, Australia) the voice of the dead
andoa (Bakweri, Cameroon) to invoke spirits by spitting out the juice of leaves
havu (Bugotu, Solomon Islands) to make an offering to a ghost
False friends
sad (Sanskrit) being
pop (Bosnian) priest
bigot (French) sanctimonious
eleven (Hungarian) the living
fun (Lao) dream
hell (Norwegian) luck
Holy cockerel
Sometimes mere spirits aren’t enough and stronger supernatural agents have to be called on. Many and varied are the prayers and rituals offered to the world’s deities:
kahόk (Tagalog, Philippines) the act of dipping fingers in holy water
a-cāmati (Sanskrit) to sip water from the palm of one’s hand for purification
hacer (se) cruces (Latin American Spanish) to cross yourself in the hope that God will help you to understand.
thì thup (Vietnamese) to go down on one’s knees then get up again, to make repeated obeisances
kiam (Malay) to stand during prayer
anda (Latin American Spanish) a wooden frame for carrying images of saints in processions
miau (Iban, Sarawak and Brunei) to wave a cockerel over a person while uttering a prayer
Broken sewing needles
Many and varied too are the building of their shrines and how they are decorated:
abhi-gamana (Sanskrit) the act of cleansing and smearing with cowdung the way leading to the image of the deity
laplap bilong alta (Tok Pisin, Papua New Guinea) an altar cloth
hari kuyo (Japanese) a shrine for broken sewing needles (out of respect for the tools of the sewing trade)
tintueta-wen (Buli, Ghana) the personal god of a living or dead person whose shrine has not yet been transferred to the front of the house
bìt torng lăng prá(Thai) doing a good deed in secret (literally, pasting gold leaf onto the back of the Buddha image)
One who understands
In most cultures, one spirit stands pre-eminent above all others and is always the One to be both consulted and worshipped:
Hawëníyu’ (Mingo, USA) God (literally, he is the one whose word/voice is good)
olumonron (Yoruba, Nigeria, Benin and Togo) one who understands people’s problems, God
Candle cormorant
‘He who is near the church is often far from God,’ say the French; and there is always a risk of substituting religiosity for virtue:
hywl (Welsh) religious or emotional fervour, as experienced with preaching, poetry reading, sporting events, etc.
une grenouille de bénitier (French) an extremely devout churchwoman (literally, a frog of the holy-water basin)
Kerzlschlucker (Austrian German) an insufferably pious per-son who never misses a mass (literally, a candle cormorant)
On a hedgehog’s back
The English language is full of relics of our former, more religious days. The expression ‘crikey’ is a truncation of the oath ‘by Christ’s key’ and ‘bloody’ of ‘by our Lady’. Socrates swore ni ton kuna, by the dog; and Pythagoras is said to have sworn ma tin tetrakton, by the number four. Even atheistic Baudelaire swore by the sacred St Onion. The following expressions of astonished disbelief are just as outlandish:
Kors i taket! (Swedish) Cross in the ceiling! (used when something rare happens)
Toushite s
vet, vynosite chemodany! (Russian) Switch off the light and take out your suitcases! (used when something is a great surprise)
Holla die Waldfee! (German) Ooh, the forest’s fairy! (exclamation of surprise, often with an ironic connotation)
In groppa al riccio! (Italian) On a hedgehog’s back! (the response to which is Con le mutande di ghisa!, Wearing underpants made of cast iron!)
Sounds better
Japanese monks invented pious euphemisms so as not to taint the inner sanctum with jarring worldly words. Whipping came to be called nazu (caressing), tears shiotaru (dropping salt), money moku (eyes), testicles ryōgyaku (spiritual globes), and toilets kish-isho (a place of truth).
Charismatic
However much some would prefer it if none of us believed in anything, it seems that holy men (and women) are here to stay:
vusitavant (Pali, India) one who has reached perfection (in chaste living)
mana (Polynesian dialect) the spiritual charisma attributed to holy people
samádhi (Tamil) the abstract contemplation of an ascetic, in which the soul is considered to be independent of the senses; a sepulchre, grave
nésajjika-dhutanga (Sinhala, Sri Lanka) a religious observance which restrains a man from sleeping or lying down
an-avakānkshamāna (Sanskrit) not wishing impatiently (said of ascetics who, having renounced all food, expect death without impatience)