Gray, Jacob, 251n12
Green, John, 96
Green, John Mark, 97
Greene, Robert, 145, 250n1
Greenspan, Patricia, 246n15
Gressel, Josh, 249n29
grief, 6, 20, 21, 58, 197–98
Gross, Harriet, 252n6
Grossmann, Igor, 246n14, 249n5
Gutmann, Amy, 249n11
Gyatso, Tenzin, 222
Hahn, Amanda C., 251n18
Hakim, Catherine, 176, 186, 199, 205–6, 250n11, 251n5, 251n24
Halbertal, Moshe, 249n6
Halevi, Masha, 252n18, 252n19
Halpern-Meekin, Sarah, 248n6, 248n7
Hancock, Jeffrey T., 252n5
Handler, Chelsea, 218
happiness, 9, 14–17, 20, 27–30, 39–41, 54, 66, 79–80, 86–87, 109, 146, 152, 155, 159, 168, 173, 179, 190–91, 205, 209–10, 215–20, 223, 237–38
harmony, 41, 49, 64, 88, 133, 193
Harrison, Marissa A., 250n15
hate, 6, 11, 21, 38, 50, 58, 64–66, 142, 226
Hazan, Cindy, 252n15
Hazan, Ya’akov, 158
heart and head, 32, 43–45, 49, 108–9, 116, 120–23, 142, 145, 154, 159, 161, 181, 186–88, 194–95, 197, 209–11, 226, 229–30, 232, 236, 240
Heath, Chip, 247n18
hedonic adaptation, 28–31, 128, 209
Heidstra, Jon, 197
Heidstra, Michelle, 197
Heino, Rebecca, D., 250n5
Helm, Bennett W., 246n1, 246n8, 247n20, 247n29, 248n14
Heraclitus, 206
Higgins, Tory, 50, 247n1
Hitz, Shelley, 194
Holmes, Rupert, 208, 241
Holocaust, 194
honeymoon-as-ceiling effect, 86–87
Hood, Jeff, 226
hooking up, 140–42
Houston, Whitney, 11
Huebner, David M., 251n14
humility, 73
humor, 32, 34, 65, 127, 134–35, 174
Hunt, Lucy, 129, 249n4
Hunter, Rachel, 66
idealization, 74–77, 80–81, 86, 228
ignorance, 146–48, 161, 223
illusion, 16, 89, 95, 146–48, 191, 223
“I love you” (phrase), 25, 65, 82, 89, 112, 126, 146, 154, 214; “but I am leaving you,” 9–14, 67; when to say, 144, 159, 162, 167
imagination, 7–8, 18, 24–25, 76, 148, 177, 182, 186
Impett, Emily A., 249n7
indifference, 19, 220, 222–25, 238
infatuation, 14, 68, 211–12, 216
intelligence, 6, 26, 33, 43, 89, 103, 127, 133, 147, 201
intentionality, 21–23
internet, 72, 77, 138, 183, 185–87
intimacy, 38–39, 42, 51, 59–60, 78, 148, 165, 169, 178, 180, 188, 196, 198–99, 202, 211, 214
intrinsic and extrinsic value, 23, 27–28, 30, 39, 46, 48, 50, 53–58, 60, 63, 68–69, 90, 94, 101, 109, 117, 123–24, 132, 149–51, 155, 162, 164, 171, 188, 215, 221–22, 226, 231–34, 239, 241
intuition, 44, 63, 97, 107
Irvine, William B., 246n22, 248n21
James, Henry, 75
James, Marlon, 159
James, William, 136
Javan, 130
jealousy, 20, 26, 66, 78, 83–84, 103, 159, 214–19
Jiang, L. Crystal, 252n5
Jobs, Steve, 108
Johansson, Scarlett, 36
Jollimore, Troy, 34, 92, 246n3, 248n16
Jonason, Peter, 52, 247n6
Joplin, Janis, 112
junk sex, junk food, 177–79, 188
Kahlo, Frida, 218
Kahneman, Daniel, 246n2, 247n12, 248n3, 248n20
Kambartel, Friedrich, 230–31, 252n12
Kansky, Jessica, 245n18
Kant, Immanuel, 146
Karney, Benjamin, 248n2, 248n35
Kashdan, Todd B., 235–36, 246n12, 252n16
Kauffman, Max, 86
Kaufman-Scarborough, Carol F., 250n6
Kelmer, Gretchen, 252n5
Kenny, Anthony, 246n23
kibbutz movement, 102
Kierkegaard, Søren, 10, 166
Kightlinger, Laura, 201
Kim, James, 249n31
kindness, 33–34, 89, 103, 129, 132, 134–35, 170, 172
King, Carole, 2, 72
Kipnis, Laura, 214–15, 251n2, 252n9, 252n15
Kolodny, Niko, 248n14
Kraus, Michael W., 250n10
Krebs, Angelika, 46, 84, 246n7, 246n8, 246n9, 246n15, 247n8, 247n11, 247n23, 247n24, 247n28, 248n4, 248n20, 248n31, 251n13
Kulu, Hill, 249n26
Kurzeck, Peter, 152
LaFollette, Hugh, 247n20
Lambert, Nathaniel, 248n2
Landau, Iddo, 88, 90, 248n13, 248n15
Lane, Korey, 140–42, 250n17
Lao Tzu, 152
La Rochefoucauld, François de, 44, 223
later life, 190–200
Lavner, Justin A., 248n10
Lawrence, D. H., 45
Lawrence, Elizabeth M., 245n20
Leary, Mark, 83–84, 248n1, 248n2, 248n3
Le Guin, Ursula K., 20
Levenson, Robert Wayne, 249n8
Levin, Hanoch, 111
Levinas, Emmanuel, 2, 46, 247n22
Lillard, Lee A., 249n26
Lindquist, Jay D., 250n6
Lively, Blake, 158–59
Loewenstein, George, 246n20
loneliness, 50, 72, 83, 93, 154, 187, 189, 194, 220
Lorber, Michael F., 245n8, 248n10
love: first, 75–76, 119–21, 125, 162; at first sight, 37, 56, 97, 131, 133–36, 138, 143; incomplete, 144–45; last, 108, 119, 121–22; loving longer or loving more, 157–59; loving too much, 152–57; profundity-intensity, 26, 32, 41–43, 49, 53, 56–58, 66–70, 72–73, 79–81, 99, 105, 107, 109, 118, 121, 124–25, 166, 180, 206, 211, 217, 221–22, 232, 235, 242; profundity-superficiality, 131–39, 150–51, 154–55, 157–58, 162, 167, 186, 188–89, 199, 203, 208, 210–12, 214, 220, 230, 233, 238; rushing love, 79, 97, 138, 162, 165–67
Lyubomirsky, Sonja, 190, 246n20, 250n12, 251n1
Määttä, Kaarina, 247n26
Madonna, 187
Mandler, George, 246n11
Mantegna, Hallie, 9
Marano, Hara Estroff, 199
Marcos, Imelda, 156
Marley, Bob, 119
marriage, 3–5, 9–10, 13, 15, 17, 38–40, 44, 55, 67, 82, 84–87, 93, 99–101, 103, 106, 110–11, 118–19, 121, 126, 135–37, 146–47, 158, 163, 165, 167, 169–72, 180, 184–86, 190, 194, 201, 203–7, 213, 219, 226–29, 232
Martin, Dean, 154
Martin, Wednesday, 39, 246n11, 250n1
Mashek, Debra, 229, 252n10
maturity, 28, 32, 58, 117, 190–92, 204, 242
Maugham, W. Somerset, 215
May, Simon, 248n30
McGee, Elizabeth, 246n1
McNulty, James, 40, 245n13, 246n13, 248n32, 250n12
Meana, Marta, 250n1
Medvec, Victoria Husted, 245n15
Meltzer, Andrea L., 246n1, 251n15
meritocracy, 126, 130–31, 142
Merton, Thomas, 41
Meyer, Mary, 245n4
Meyers, Sarah A., 246n10
Michelangelo Phenomenon, 57, 137
Millay, Edna St. Vincent, 144
Miller, Dale T., 246n2, 248n3
Mills Brothers, 80
Mitchell, Joni, 238–39
Mitchell, Stephen A., 249n2
moderation, 6–7, 10, 16–17, 26, 28–30, 56–86, 128, 145, 150, 162, 173, 197, 220–22, 239
Mogilner, Cassie, 245n22
monogamy, 39, 171, 185, 201, 204–8, 212, 215–16, 218
Monroe, Marilyn, 16, 120, 152
Montaigne, Michel de, 62, 201
Montez, Chris, 5
moods, 17, 21–22, 28–31, 34, 48, 71, 149, 170, 174, 231
Moore, Thomas, 226
Morag, Talia, 247n19
Muggeridge, Malcolm, 96
Mühlhoff, Rainer, 247n24, 247n26
Muise, Amy, 250n4, 250n8, 251n16, 251n17
Munro, Alice, 54–55
Murnen, Sarah K., 248n8
Myers, David G., 245n19
Naim, Rania, 10
Nash, Tina, 173, 175
natural selection, 52
needs and wants, 11, 26–27, 33, 43, 45–46, 49, 52, 55, 57, 59–60, 85, 87, 92–93, 102, 108, 117, 124, 127, 154, 160, 165, 169, 183, 185, 204–8, 216, 219, 226–27, 233, 236
Neff, Lisa A., 248n35
negative emotions, 6, 52, 58, 159, 174, 191; negative bias, 51, 133
Newman, M. E. J., 249n31
Nietzsche, Friedrich, 38, 62, 238
Nin, Anaïs, 211
nostalgia, 74, 76–77
Nouwens, Hans, 225
Nozick, Robert, 47, 247n25, 248n16
nurturing, 8, 14, 26, 31, 43, 50–51, 57, 68, 80, 93, 95, 129, 139, 171, 199, 220, 233–35, 238
Nušić, Branislav, 119
Nussbaum, Martha C., 245n11, 246n1, 247n9, 250n9
Oatley, Keith, 247n12
Oishi, Shigehiro, 155, 250n13
O’Leary, Daniel, 4, 245n5, 252n2
Olson, James M., 245n14
one-sided sex, 163, 188; charity sex, 168–69, 171; peace-inducing sex, 169, 171; pity sex, 168, 171, 176. See also unrequited love
online dating, 132, 136, 138–40, 145–46, 181–87
Ono, Yoko, 159
open sexual relations, 204, 206–7, 211–13, 219
Ørsted, Karen Marie, 148
Ortega y Gasset, José, 246n13
Ouida, 6
Ovid, 53
Oz, Amos, 3
Oz, Kobi, 74
Page, Scott, 130, 249n5
Palahniuk, Chuck, 28
Palmer, Carl L., 246n5
Papp, Susan M., 248n5
parental love, 47, 216
Parker, Sarah Jessica, 228
Parkinson, Brian, 246n8
Parton, Dolly, 11, 156
Pascal, Blaise, 43
patience and impatience, 16, 78–81, 117–18, 162, 187, 225
Peele, Stanton, 156, 250n14
Perel, Esther, 245n7, 249n2, 251n7
perfect love, 62, 85–91, 102, 106, 110, 112, 117, 123, 125, 129, 131–33, 145, 153, 184, 192–93, 202, 235, 238, 241
“personality halo,” 34, 36, 134
personal space, 121, 158, 213, 226–29
Peterson, Rolfe Daus, 246n5
physical unattractiveness, discrimination against, 33–34
Pinto, Freida, 220
Plato, 2, 146
Polani, Naomi, 192
politics, 6, 35, 64, 140–42, 158
polyamory, 24, 171, 201, 204, 206–19
Pope, Alexander, 146
Portmann, John, 172, 250n8, 250n9
positive emotions, 52, 58, 159, 174, 210–11, 222
positive mood offset, 28–31
praiseworthiness, 32–34, 36, 38, 40, 49, 113
premarital cohabitation, 82, 85, 96–101, 186, 208
Presley, Elvis, 78
Pride, Charley, 65
Prins, Karin S., 249n30
Prioleau, Betsy, 230, 252n11
profundity-intensity distinction, 26, 32, 41–43, 45, 49, 53, 56–58, 66–75, 79–81, 90, 99, 105, 107, 109, 118, 121
promoting and preventing, 41, 50–51, 68, 114–15, 169, 179–80, 188, 205, 227–28
Proulx, Christine, 4, 245n8, 248n9, 248n10, 251n1
Puckette, Madeline, 241
Quoidbach, Jordi, 23, 246n12
Ramirez, Artemio, Jr., 249n7
Reagan, Ronald, 141
reciprocity (mutuality), 13, 19–20, 26, 30–31, 38, 41–42, 46–49, 57, 59, 61–62, 64, 66, 69, 85, 103–6, 113–15, 128, 162, 168–70, 200, 234
Reddish, Paul, 247n18
regret, 6–8, 77, 115, 119, 153, 159, 167, 198
Reis, Harry, 59–61, 247n19, 247n23, 252n19
Reissing, Elke, 163, 250n2
relational and nonrelational traits, 6, 87, 90–91, 124, 126–29, 142, 153, 207, 212, 218
repetition, 6, 17, 20, 22, 151–52
replaceability, 3, 37, 82, 89, 91–96, 107, 117, 164, 176–77, 182, 186–88, 191, 199, 207–8, 213, 216
resentment, 104, 159
resonance (romantic), 49–50, 59–64, 69, 82, 126, 230
responsibility, 50, 73–74, 97–98
responsiveness, 46, 50, 58–61, 64, 69, 82, 126, 239
Reynolds, Ryan, 158–59
Rhoades, Galena K., 248n24
Richardson, Samuel, 196
Rimbaud, Arthur, 221
Rinofner-Kreidl, Sonja, 246n4, 247n17, 248n1
Rivera, Diego, 218
Rivers, Joan, 21, 32
Robbins, Tom, 2, 245n1
Roberts, Julia, 231
robustness, 27, 66–68, 81, 90, 104–6, 162, 211, 220, 223, 233
Roese, Neal J., 245n14, 245n16
Roesler, Katharina, 101, 249n27
Rolling Stones, 29
romantic compromises, 10, 16, 29, 76, 105, 108–25, 144, 158, 191, 193–94, 219, 233, 239
Roosevelt, Eleanor, 181
Rosa, Hartmut, 63, 247n24, 248n33, 249n3
Rosenfeld, Michael, 101, 249n27, 250n15
Rottenberg, Jonathan, 235–36, 252n16
Rousseau, Jean-Jacques, 215, 238, 252n16
Rowland, Helen, 146
Rowland, Kelly, 78
Rubel, Alicia N., 251n11
Rubin, Simon, 196, 251n8, 251n9
Rudner, Rita, 126, 147
Russell, Bertrand, 98, 246n23, 248n21
Saad, Gad, 247n5
sacrifices, 13, 46, 108, 114–15, 124–25, 170, 200
Salovey, Peter, 252n20
Sayers, Dorothy L., 82
Schneider, Barry H., 251n26
Schneider, Jennifer P., 251n21
Schroedder, Tibor, 75
Schulz, Charles, 13
Schwartz, Barry, 152–54, 250n9, 250n10
Scitovsky, Tibor, 56, 247n13
Scott, John, 25, 176
Scruton, Roger, 35–36, 61, 176–77, 246n6, 246n7, 247n27, 250n12
second-best and secondhand love, 121–22, 214, 237
self-expansion, 43, 210, 212
self-fulfilling marriages, 85–87
sensitivity, 26, 28, 55–56, 128–29, 137, 187, 197, 218, 220, 222–25, 236, 238
settling, 10, 108, 116–18, 122, 154, 191, 235
sex: arousal transfer, 173–74; beauty, 34–36; casual sex, 40, 80, 140, 163–65, 184, 186–87, 201, 205; makeup and breakup sex, 71, 173–76, 188; morning-after effect, 39; one-sided sex, 168–69, 171, 188; quickies, 71, 165–66; risks of, 175–76
Sharma, Saurabh, 89
Shaver, Phillip, 252n15
Shavit, Orit, 198, 251n11
Shaw, George Bernard, 37, 205, 251n4
Shevlin, Mark, 246n1
Shortall, Jennifer C., 250n15
Showers, Carolin J., 245n12
Shulman, Shmuel, 249n8
similarity, 6, 59, 62–63, 131, 140
Simon, Herbert, 123, 249n16
Simsion, Graeme, 133
Sinatra, Frank, 84, 96
singles, 15, 120, 138–39, 141, 193, 197, 199, 201–3, 219, 224
Sloman, Steven A., 247n12
Smith, Sydney, 7, 249n31
Sobel, Alan, 247n20
social networks, 72
Solomon, Robert, 245n1, 246n5, 249n10
Sophocles, 73
Soul, David, 23
Spears, Britney, 141
Speer, Alysha, 81
Spiker, Ted, 174
Spinoza, Baruch, 5, 63, 146, 245n10
Sprecher, Susan, 245n21, 249n32
Springfield, Dusty, 194
stability, 15, 17–19, 28, 30, 41, 73, 76, 100–101, 107, 114, 128, 135, 177, 185, 203, 227, 232–33, 235–36, 238
Stafford, Jo, 82
Stafford, Laura, 252n5, 252n8
Stanley, Scott, 99, 248n24
Stefano
, George B., 245n18
Stevenson, John, 206
Streep, Meryl, 71–72
Sudo, Philip, 40, 246n14
suitability scale, 126–30, 132, 142
Summerville, Amy, 245n16
Sumter, Sindy R., 251n22
Sunnafrank, Michael, 249n7
Sunstein, Cass, 153–54, 250n11
Supremes, 165
Suzuki, Shunryu, 231, 252n14
swinging, 204, 212
sympathy, 61, 115
synchrony, 50, 58–61, 64, 69, 126
Tacitus, 58
Tagore, Rabindranath, 101, 146
taking for granted, 230, 232–33
Tanfer, Koray, 249n15
Taylor, Charles, 246n1
Thaler, Richard, 153–54, 250n11
Thayer, Robert, 231, 252n13, 252n14
“there is nothing wrong with him” (phrase), 12, 132, 136–37
thirst, 36, 38, 176–77
Thoman, Kevin, 220
Thomas, Michael L., 250n15
Thompson, Dennis, 249n11
Thornton, Arland, 248n7, 249n25, 252n18
Timberlake, Justin, 37
time, 71–73; conflicting views of, 70
timing, 56, 70–73, 81, 159, 160, 199
Tolstoy, Leo, 87
Toulmin, Stephen, 183, 251n20
Tropper-Wachtel, Adin, 252n4
troubadours, 145
Trump, Donald, 140–42
trust, 11, 60, 73, 113–14, 160, 165, 167, 224, 227, 231–33, 235, 252
Twain, Mark, 28, 106
unfinished business, 115, 144–46
uniqueness, 3, 21, 25, 27, 40, 43, 56, 59–60, 63, 83, 87, 90–92, 106, 119–20, 124, 126, 129, 131, 134, 155, 162, 171, 174, 179, 183, 187, 195, 198–99, 205, 208, 217, 234, 244
unrequited love, 41, 45, 47–48, 84, 104–5, 168. See also one-sided sex
Ustinov, Peter, 198
Uusiautti, Satu, 247n26
Valdesolo, Piercarlo, 59, 247n18
van Gogh, Vincent, 41
Velleman, J. D., 248n14
virginity, 119
waiting, 70, 72, 79–80, 117–18, 159–60, 165, 172, 197, 209, 225
Waller, Robert James, 124
Watson, D., 245n12
Weedn, Flavia, 73
Weisz, Hedy, 75
Wentland, Jocelyn, 163, 250n2
West, Mae, 94, 122, 154, 182, 209
Westerfeld, Scott, 87
Whelan, C. B., 249n32
Whillans, A. V., 249n7, 250n5
White, Ellen G., 230
widowhood, 194–98
Wilcox, W. Bradford, 250n5
Wilde, Oscar, 61, 114, 164, 231
Williams, Hank, 149
Wilson, Timothy D., 245n14, 246n22
Wiltermuth, Scott S., 247n18
Wood, J., 251n11
working on relationship, 208, 214–15
yearning, 5–9, 37, 41–42, 70, 73–74, 92, 109–10, 115, 145, 201, 237, 240
Yeats, William Butler, 240