seven-year-old might be cute. A cute twenty-seven-
year-old is an embarrassment.”
Chris stares out of the train window for the rest of
the journey, marvelling at the countryside that he
rarely sees, while Alex shuts his eyes for a rest.
~~~
349
They arrive at Southend Central and take a taxi
from outside the station. Alex’s parents finally
decided to sell their seaside palace since they
couldn’t afford to maintain it. They made enough
profit in the sale to buy a modest townhouse. Alex
gave them half of his savings, twenty-five thousand,
to help with the move. He would’ve liked to keep all
his money for himself and some kind of future with
Chris, but it was the least he could do to support his
parents. At least this way he knows they are not
living in a money pit. Gary folded his last business
and started working as a mechanic for a friend’s
small repair shop. He finally realised that Alex was
no longer a cash cow.
Alex feels all tingly about bringing Chris to meet
his family. He told his mum he was bringing a
friend but didn’t specify who.
In the taxi from the station, Chris clings to Alex’s
hand, his palm clammy. “No one has ever taken me
home to meet their parents. I feel really grown up to
be in a real relationship! But scared at the same
time.”
Alex grins. “Well, I’ve warned you about my
parents and brother. Don’t be nervous.”
Chris has toned it down today. No make-up, a
simple button-down shirt and tight black jeans.
He’s left his silver studs in his right ear and nose.
He looks almost ‘masculine’.
“Do I look okay?”
“Was that why you were in the bathroom for ages
this morning?”
Chris giggles. “I practised my ‘manly’ voice.
‘You’re talking to me? You’re talking to me?’
350
Y’know, Robert de Niro in Taxi Driver. ”
Alex only laughs. “You sound hilarious—more like
de Niro in a bad comedy.”
“I’m trying to make your coming out less
shocking for your family. I thought I’d pass for a few
hours.” Chris hits Alex on the side of the head.
“Ouch. Sorry! And thank you for doing this, for
coming with me.” Alex kisses him. “You’re
important to me.”
“That’s more like it. You ungrateful sod.” Chris
beams.
Alex and Chris stand in front of the three-
bedroom terrace house. It’s nothing special but at
least it seems tidy and well-maintained. Chris steals
a quick cigarette. Alex puts his arm around Chris’s
narrow waist. “All right? Are you ready?”
“Yeah.”
They kiss briefly and take a collective deep
breath.
Codes.
Alex’s mum opens the door. She appears healthy
enough
today;
her
face
isn’t
puffy
with
drunkenness. She hugs Alex and her eyes roam over
to Chris.
“This is Chris. My mum.”
Chris reaches out and gives her a hug too. She’s a
big woman, solid like Alex and only half a head
shorter than Chris. Alex has her dark brown eyes
and hair.
“Come through.” She ushers them in.
The short hallway leads to an open sitting and
dining room. Alex’s mum heads to the kitchen at the
back to continue with lunch preparation. Gary and
351
Alex’s dad are already drinking beer and smoking,
with the ubiquitous sports programme playing on
the large plasma screen TV.
Alex’s dad turns his attention to Chris, but Gary’s
eyes are glued to the television.
“This is Chris. My dad.”
Chris hurries over to shake the older man’s hand.
“Sit. You want a beer?” Alex’s dad asks.
Chris shakes his head. “No, I’m good. Thanks.”
“And my brother, Gary.”
Gary takes notice now and stands up to shake
Chris’s hand too. Otherwise, both father and son
show little interest.
“Let’s see what Mum’s doing.” Alex tugs at Chris’s
elbow and leads him to the back of the house.
The kitchen is big enough in this kind of
townhouse. The roast smells delicious, though
Alex’s mum’s cooking usually ends up a
disappointment. She’s preparing carrots; two pots
of water bubble away.
She glances back. “Hey, you two go and sit down.
It’s too small in here.”
Alex and Chris’s eyes lock. Alex says, “We’ll keep
you company.”
“Can I help you, Mrs. Whale?” Chris offers.
She regards Chris once more; her eyes run up and
down his full height quickly. “That’s great. Why
don’t you help chop the carrots?”
Alex’s mum puts some potatoes in the pot to boil,
then turns to Chris. “Are you Alex’s flatmate?”
Alex and Chris exchange a quick glance. It is
Alex’s call to tell his parents about their
relationship, so Chris replies, “Yes.”
352
As Alex’s mum turns away, Alex takes Chris’s
hand, squeezes and releases it. Chris beams at the
tiny gesture.
Alex’s mum looks over her shoulder. “When you
said a ‘friend’, I thought you were bringing a
girlfriend home, Alex. It’s okay. Sam’s been gone for
a long time.”
Alex and Chris trade another gaze behind. “I
haven’t got a new girlfriend, Ma.” Semantic. Alex
has a new queerfriend.
“I know it’s hard for you after everything that’s
gone on. It’s been what? Nearly six years. There
must be lots of women up in London.”
Alex scratches his head. “Yeah, I guess so.”
“Even Gary’s got someone now. This receptionist
at the garage he works. Poor girl!”
She’s making an effort. Alex has noticed that
since they had to sell the house, she has finally
accepted Alex is no longer able to provide for them
like he used to. She has stopped drinking as much.
Gary has also settled down, apparently. The only
one who hasn’t changed much is Alex’s dad. Alex
should have stopped helping his family years ago.
Decision. Life. You can only work with what you
have.
Chris finishes the carrots and puts them in
another pan to cook.
By the time they sit down for lunch, Alex is more
than anxious, but Chris’s small touches and smiles
reassure him that whatever happens, he’ll be all
right.
They dish up. Alex’s mum piles food on Chris’s
plate. “You look like you could do with some meat.
353
You’re like one of them size-zero models. Here.”
“Thanks! That’s plenty.” Chris tries to stop her
after the third slice of roast.
&
nbsp; “And he’s not drinking.” Alex’s dad says as if it’s
Chris’s personality flaw.
They all tuck in. After a few minutes, Alex clears
his throat and belatedly responds to his dad, “Chris
is not drinking because I’ve stopped.”
His dad frowns. “Why’s that a reason for ’im not
drinking?”
Alex puts his knife and fork down, gazes at Chris
one more time and inhales. Chris squeezes Alex’s
hand in encouragement.
“Because he cares enough to help me stay sober.
We’re seeing each other.”
Gary stares at his brother.
Alex’s
mum
watches
Alex
and
Chris,
incomprehension giving way to understanding.
Alex’s dad chokes mid-chew. “What the fuck do
you mean?”
Alex breathes in again. “I am his boyfriend.”
Gary shakes his head. “You can’t be serious, Alex.
It’s not funny.”
Alex’s mum looks from Chris to Alex and back
once more and says to her older son, “Your
brother’s not kidding, Gary. As soon as they came in
today, I could see it. Don’t know why, but—”
“That’s bullshit. How can you go out with a bloke?
I don’t get it.” Alex’s dad crosses his meaty arms in
front of his chest and regards Alex and Chris with
alarm.
“There’s nothing to get,” Alex says calmly. “I
didn’t tell you all the details when I beat Ryan up.
354
He tried to shoot me and Chris blocked him and
saved my life. It’s not why we are together, but…I’m
trying to tell you Chris is important to me. Okay?”
Chris puts his hand over Alex’s on the table.
More quietly, Alex declares, “I love him.”
His dad still looks as perplexed as ever. “Did
something happen in prison?”
“Prison? No. I’ve liked both men and women for a
long time.”
Alex’s dad’s eyes shift between the two, but he’s
too stunned by Alex’s declaration.
Gary tuts. “He’s girly, anyway. Look at his nail
varnish.”
All eyes descend on Chris’s blue nails. He has
forgotten to take the varnish off in his attempt to be
more ‘manly’. He holds his hands up to admire
them; the minute silvery specks of glitter shine in
the light. “Yeah, I had them done two days ago.
Don’t you like the colour?” he asks no one in
particular. Chris chuckles, joined by Alex and his
mum, breaking the inquisition for a moment.
She comments, “They’re okay, Chris. You need to
grow them out a bit, though.”
“Do I?” Chris grins at Gary and his dad, whose
frown deepens between his brows.
Lunch continues. Alex’s family have a hundred
questions for Chris but are afraid to ask, and silence
stretches, masking the awkwardness. After a while,
Chris puts his cutlery down and makes to stand.
“That was delish, Mrs. Whale. I think I’ll have a
smoke outside.”
Alex’s mum smiles again. “You’re welcome. Call
me Pat, and his dad’s Colin.”
355
Colin glares at his wife.
“Okay. Thank you, Pat.” Chris stands and excuses
himself before sashaying out to the backyard.
As soon as he’s out of the door, Alex’s dad lays
into Alex again. “How can you be gay? You’re a
fucking boxer.”
“The correct term is bisexual. You may also find
that all kinds of people can be attracted to more
than one gender.” Alex doesn’t know where his
boldness comes from. Being with Chris has been an
eye-opener for him. Now he has to convince his
family that this is no joke.
Beer foam gracing Gary’s upper lip, he considers
his brother’s face again. “You must admit it’s
weird.”
“Not if that’s who I am. Chris came along, and I…
fell for him,” Alex says steadily. He wasn’t sure what
would happen when he came out, but interrogation
by his dad and Gary is proving a bit much. He feels
this warmth in his belly, though—pride and elation,
like winning a match.
“Leave him alone,” his mum interjects. “The man
seems to make him happy.”
Alex’s dad tuts again when Chris walks back in
and sits down.
“Alex is taking me to the fair after,” Chris
announces nonchalantly, ignoring the obvious
tension at the dining table.
“See? He’s like a fucking girl!” Gary seems to
think that Alex only likes Chris because he appears
androgynous despite his effort of being more
masculine today for Alex’s family.
Chris flashes his full set of white teeth at Gary. “I
356
take that as a compliment.”
It breaks the tension and makes Alex smile again.
For now. He has always admired Chris’s in-your-
face attitude about his gender and sexuality. His
family will just have to accept them.
Pat smiles. “The outdoor rides won’t be open at
this time of the year but there’s the arcade. You go
and have a good time.”
Chris’s broad grin melts Alex’s heart, but his dad
puts his knife and fork down as though he’s given
up. He pushes his chair back with a loud squeak and
stands up.
“I’ve had enough.” Alex wonders if he means the
conversation or lunch.
Chris and Alex are ready to leave soon after the
meal. Alex’s dad ignores them, though Gary waves
goodbye. Pat comes to the door and hugs them one
after the other. “Love you,” she tells Alex. “And
meat on them bones.”
“Okay. Thanks for the feed again, Pat.”
In the taxi back to the pier, Chris starts laughing
and he can’t stop. It’s infectious, and they both
giggle and hold hands.
A trip to the fair.
Alex takes Chris to the carousel. They sit on
adjacent horses. The staff operator regards Alex
warily because he looks as though he might break
the mechanical animal with his weight. She seems
to be waiting for more customers but eventually, she
starts the carousel with only four people on it.
Hardly any kids are around as it’s out of season.
The tinny music begins. Chris laughs and hoots
357
when his wooden horse flies through the air. Alex
joins him as the ridiculously mushy scene evolves
around them. The artificial gaudy lights of the
arcade blur into lines and patches of colours,
cheering them up. Alex can’t take his eyes off Chris
as the feeling of being carefree is clearly written on
his face.
The carousel fills a gap for what they have both
missed as children. Chris has told Alex how he was
never treated like a child by Annette. Alex spent
most of his te
enage years boxing, and before that
his parents had rarely taken him anywhere, both
busy working or drinking.
Afterwards, they walk out of the indoor
amusement park, Alex’s arm around Chris’s
shoulder, and stroll to the Esplanade. Chris is
pensive, seemingly mesmerised by the bright yellow
buoys bobbing up and down in the green-blue sea.
The sun has come out for them, colouring the peaks
of the waves brilliant silver.
Chris draws Alex close and rests his head on
Alex’s shoulder. “In the summer, we need to come
back and play in the sand and walk in the waves,” he
says softly.
Alex grins. “I’d like that.”
~~~
On the train back to London, the sky has already
darkened and the fields are nothing but an inky
mass.
Chris kisses Alex. “You came out to your family.
Congrats!”
“Yeah. I did. I didn’t plan how to do it, but it’s
358
happened now. I wasn’t going to lie about who you
are to me. It’s a relief. I’m sorry about my family.”
Chris smiles. “They’re all right. Your mum’s
pretty sweet. They asked questions. I like it when
people
ask
me
questions
because
they’re
interested.”
Alex is quiet for a moment. “But you don’t talk
about yourself, Chris.”
Chris frowns. “Talking about myself is plain
vulgar. I’ve always dealt with my shit my way. I
don’t discuss it with strangers.”
The seriousness on Chris’s face is rare.
Alex thinks about that before replying, “Okay. I
get it. Thank you for sharing with me.”
“You’re stuck with me and my life story now, Alex
Whale.”
“I love you and your life story,” Alex says. “My
dad and Gary are missing out.”
“Maybe I’ll tell them about me being gender-fluid
next time.”
“Ha! Gary kept saying you’re girly. He’s going to
have a hard time getting his head around
queerness.”
Chris giggles. “Then, I will talk to him about
gender binary.”
Alex gazes at Chris’s dimples, one of the many
parts of Chris that he loves. “I can’t wait.”
The relief and euphoria of coming out and being
able to call Chris his partner outweigh the
unpleasantness of his dad’s and brother’s reactions.
They will have to get used to the idea of Alex being
with Chris and that’s all there is to it.
359
~~~
Jess wears a pretty floral dress, all in purple, blue