For the hot vengeance and the rod of heaven
To punish my mistreadings. Tell me else,
Could such inordinate and low desires,
Such poor, such bare, such lewd, such mean attempts,
Such barren pleasures, rude society,
As thou art matched withal and grafted to,
Accompany the greatness of thy blood
And hold their level with thy princely heart?
PRINCE HENRY So please your majesty, I would I could
Quit all offences with as clear excuse
As well as I am doubtless I can purge
Myself of many I am charged withal:
Yet such extenuation let me beg,
As, in reproof of many tales devised,
Which oft the ear of greatness needs must hear
By smiling pick-thanks and base news-mongers,
I may, for some things true, wherein my youth
Hath faulty wand'red and irregular,
Find pardon on my true submission.
KING HENRY IV Heaven pardon thee! Yet let me wonder, Harry,
At thy affections, which do hold a wing
Quite from the flight of all thy ancestors.
Thy place in council thou hast rudely lost,
Which by thy younger brother is supplied,
And art almost an alien to the hearts
Of all the court and princes of my blood.
The hope and expectation of thy time
Is ruined, and the soul of every man
Prophetically do forethink thy fall.
Had I so lavish of my presence been,
So common-hackneyed in the eyes of men,
So stale and cheap to vulgar company,
Opinion, that did help me to the crown,
Had still kept loyal to possession
And left me in reputeless banishment,
A fellow of no mark nor likelihood.
By being seldom seen, I could not stir
But like a comet I was wondered at,
That men would tell their children, 'This is he'.
Others would say, 'Where? Which is Bullingbrook?'
And then I stole all courtesy from heaven,
And dressed myself in such humility
That I did pluck allegiance from men's hearts,
Loud shouts and salutations from their mouths,
Even in the presence of the crowned king.
Thus I did keep my person fresh and new;
My presence, like a robe pontifical,
Ne'er seen but wondered at: and so my state,
Seldom but sumptuous, showed like a feast
And won by rareness such solemnity.
The skipping king, he ambled up and down
With shallow jesters and rash bavin wits,
Soon kindled and soon burnt, carded his state,
Mingled his royalty with carping fools,
Had his great name profaned with their scorns
And gave his countenance, against his name,
To laugh at gibing boys and stand the push
Of every beardless vain comparative;
Grew a companion to the common streets,
Enfeoffed himself to popularity,
That, being daily swallowed by men's eyes,
They surfeited with honey and began
To loathe the taste of sweetness, whereof a little
More than a little is by much too much.
So when he had occasion to be seen,
He was but as the cuckoo is in June,
Heard, not regarded, seen, but with such eyes
As, sick and blunted with community,
Afford no extraordinary gaze,
Such as is bent on sun-like majesty
When it shines seldom in admiring eyes.
But rather drowsed and hung their eyelids down,
Slept in his face and rendered such aspect
As cloudy men use to do to their adversaries,
Being with his presence glutted, gorged and full.
And in that very line, Harry, standest thou,
For thou hast lost thy princely privilege
With vile participation. Not an eye
But is a-weary of thy common sight,
Save mine, which hath desired to see thee more,
Which now doth that I would not have it do,
Make blind itself with foolish tenderness.
PRINCE HENRY I shall hereafter, my thrice-gracious lord,
Be more myself.
KING HENRY IV For all the world
When I from France set foot at Ravenspurgh,
And even as I was then is Percy now.
Now, by my sceptre and my soul to boot,
He hath more worthy interest to the state
Than thou, the shadow of succession;
For of no right, nor colour like to right,
He doth fill fields with harness in the realm,
Turns head against the lion's armed jaws,
And, being no more in debt to years than thou,
Leads ancient lords and reverend bishops on
To bloody battles and to bruising arms.
What never-dying honour hath he got
Against renowned Douglas, whose high deeds,
Whose hot incursions and great name in arms
Holds from all soldiers chief majority
And military title capital
Through all the kingdoms that acknowledge Christ!
Thrice hath the Hotspur, Mars in swaddling clothes,
This infant warrior, in his enterprises
Discomfited great Douglas, ta'en him once,
Enlarged him and made a friend of him,
To fill the mouth of deep defiance up
And shake the peace and safety of our throne.
And what say you to this? Percy, Northumberland,
The archbishop's grace of York, Douglas, Mortimer,
Capitulate against us and are up.
But wherefore do I tell these news to thee?
Why, Harry, do I tell thee of my foes,
Which art my near'st and dearest enemy?
Thou that art like enough, through vassal fear,
Base inclination and the start of spleen,
To fight against me under Percy's pay,
To dog his heels and curtsy at his frowns,
To show how much thou art degenerate.
PRINCE HENRY Do not think so. You shall not find it so.
And heaven forgive them that so much have swayed
Your majesty's good thoughts away from me!
I will redeem all this on Percy's head
And in the closing of some glorious day
Be bold to tell you that I am your son,
When I will wear a garment all of blood
And stain my favours in a bloody mask,
Which, washed away, shall scour my shame with it.
And that shall be the day, whene'er it lights,
That this same child of honour and renown,
This gallant Hotspur, this all-praised knight,
And your unthought-of Harry chance to meet.
For every honour sitting on his helm,
Would they were multitudes, and on my head
My shames redoubled! For the time will come,
That I shall make this northern youth exchange
His glorious deeds for my indignities.
Percy is but my factor, good my lord,
To engross up glorious deeds on my behalf,
And I will call him to so strict account,
That he shall render every glory up,
Yea, even the slightest worship of his time,
Or I will tear the reckoning from his heart.
This, in the name of heaven, I promise here:
The which if I perform and do survive
I do beseech your majesty may salve
The long-grown wounds of my intemperature.
If
not, the end of life cancels all bonds,
And I will die a hundred thousand deaths
Ere break the smallest parcel of this vow.
KING HENRY IV A hundred thousand rebels die in this:
Thou shalt have charge and sovereign trust herein.
Enter Blunt
How now, good Blunt? Thy looks are full of speed.
BLUNT So hath the business that I come to speak of.
Lord Mortimer of Scotland hath sent word
That Douglas and the English rebels met
The eleventh of this month at Shrewsbury.
A mighty and a fearful head they are,
If promises be kept on every hand,
As ever offered foul play in a state.
KING HENRY IV The Earl of Westmorland set forth today,
With him my son, Lord John of Lancaster,
For this advertisement is five days old.
On Wednesday next, Harry, thou shalt set forward:
On Thursday we ourselves will march.
Our meeting is Bridgnorth, and, Harry, you shall march
Through Gloucestershire, by which account,
Our business valued, some twelve days hence
Our general forces at Bridgnorth shall meet.
Our hands are full of business: let's away.
Advantage feeds him fat while men delay.
Exeunt
Act 3 Scene 3
running scene 10
Location: the tavern in Eastcheap
Enter Falstaff and Bardolph
FALSTAFF Bardolph, am I not fallen away vilely since this last
action? Do I not bate? Do I not dwindle? Why my skin hangs
about me like an old lady's loose gown. I am withered like an
old apple-john. Well, I'll repent, and that suddenly, while I
am in some liking. I shall be out of heart shortly, and then I
shall have no strength to repent. An I have not forgotten
what the inside of a church is made of, I am a peppercorn, a brewer's
horse. The inside of a church! Company, villainous
company, hath been the spoil of me.
BARDOLPH Sir John, you are so fretful, you cannot live long.
FALSTAFF Why, there is it: come sing me a bawdy song, make
me merry. I was as virtuously given as a gentleman need to
be; virtuous enough: swore little, diced not -- above seven
times a week, went to a bawdy-house not above once in a
quarter -- of an hour, paid money that I borrowed -- three
of four times, lived well and in good compass: and now I live
out of all order, out of compass.
BARDOLPH Why, you are so fat, Sir John, that you must needs be
out of all compass, out of all reasonable compass, Sir John.
FALSTAFF Do thou amend thy face, and I'll amend my life:
thou art our admiral, thou bearest the lantern in the poop,
but 'tis in the nose of thee; thou art the Knight of the
Burning Lamp.
BARDOLPH Why, Sir John, my face does you no harm.
FALSTAFF No, I'll be sworn, I make as good use of it as many a
man doth of a death's-head or a memento mori: I never see thy
face but I think upon hellfire and Dives that lived in purple, for
there he is in his robes, burning, burning. If thou wert any
way given to virtue, I would swear by thy face; my oath
should be 'By this fire', but thou art altogether given over; and
wert indeed, but for the light in thy face, the son of utter
darkness. When thou ran'st up Gad's Hill in the night to
catch my horse, if I did not think that thou hadst been an
ignis fatuus or a ball of wildfire, there's no purchase in money.
O, thou art a perpetual triumph, an everlasting bonfire-light!
Thou hast saved me a thousand marks in links and torches,
walking with thee in the night betwixt tavern and tavern. But
the sack that thou hast drunk me would have bought me
lights as good cheap as the dearest chandler's in Europe. I
have maintained that salamander of yours with fire any time
this two and thirty years. Heaven reward me for it!
BARDOLPH I would my face were in your belly!
FALSTAFF So should I be sure to be heart-burned.
Enter Hostess [Quickly]
How now, Dame Partlet the hen! Have you inquired yet who
picked my pocket?
HOSTESS QUICKLY Why, Sir John, what do you think, Sir John?
Do you think I keep thieves in my house? I have searched, I
have inquired, so has my husband, man by man, boy by boy,
servant by servant. The tithe of a hair was never lost in my
house before.
FALSTAFF Ye lie, hostess: Bardolph was shaved and lost many
a hair; and I'll be sworn my pocket was picked. Go to, you are
a woman, go.
HOSTESS QUICKLY Who, I? I defy thee. I was never called so in
mine own house before.
FALSTAFF Go to, I know you well enough.
HOSTESS QUICKLY No, Sir John, you do not know me, Sir John. I
know you, Sir John: you owe me money, Sir John, and now
you pick a quarrel to beguile me of it. I bought you a dozen
of shirts to your back.
FALSTAFF Dowlas, filthy dowlas: I have given them away to
bakers' wives, and they have made bolters of them.
HOSTESS QUICKLY Now, as I am a true woman, holland of eight
shillings an ell. You owe money here besides, Sir John, for
your diet and by-drinkings, and money lent you, four and
twenty pounds.
FALSTAFF He had his part of it, let him pay.
Points to Bardolph
HOSTESS QUICKLY He? Alas, he is poor, he hath nothing.
FALSTAFF How? Poor? Look upon his face. What call you rich?
Let them coin his nose, let them coin his cheeks. I'll not pay
a denier. What, will you make a younker of me? Shall I not
take mine ease in mine inn but I shall have my pocket picked?
I have lost a seal-ring of my grandfather's worth forty mark.
HOSTESS QUICKLY I have heard the prince tell him, I know not
how oft, that that ring was copper!
FALSTAFF How? The prince is a jack, a sneak-cup. An if he
were here, I would cudgel him like a dog, if he would say so.
Enter the Prince marching [with Peto], and Falstaff meets him playing
on his truncheon like a fife
How now, lad? Is the wind in that door? Must we all march?
BARDOLPH Yea, two and two, Newgate fashion.
HOSTESS QUICKLY My lord, I pray you hear me.
PRINCE HENRY What say'st thou, Mistress Quickly? How does
thy husband? I love him well. He is an honest man.
HOSTESS QUICKLY Good my lord, hear me.
FALSTAFF Prithee let her alone, and list to me.
PRINCE HENRY What say'st thou, Jack?
FALSTAFF The other night I fell asleep here behind the arras
and had my pocket picked. This house is turned bawdy-
house: they pick pockets.
PRINCE HENRY What didst thou lose, Jack?
FALSTAFF Wilt thou believe me, Hal, three or four bonds of
forty pound apiece, and a seal-ring of my grandfather's?
PRINCE HENRY A trifle, some eight-penny matter.
HOSTESS QUICKLY So I told him, my lord; and I said I heard your
grace say so. And, my lord, he speaks most vilely of you, like
a foul-mouthed man as he is, and said he would cudgel you.
PRINCE HENRY What? He did not?
HOSTESS QUICKLY There's neither faith, truth, nor womanhood
in me else.
FALSTAFF There's no more faith in thee than a stewed prune,
nor no more truth in thee than in a drawn fox. And for
womanhood, Maid Marian may be the deputy's wife of the
ward to thee. Go, you nothing, go.
HOSTESS QUICKLY Say, what thing? What thing?
FALSTAFF What thing? Why, a thing to thank heaven on.
HOSTESS QUICKLY I am no thing to thank heaven on, I would
thou shouldst know it. I am an honest man's wife, and,
setting thy knighthood aside, thou art a knave to call me so.
FALSTAFF Setting thy womanhood aside, thou art a beast to
say otherwise.
HOSTESS QUICKLY Say, what beast, thou knave, thou?
FALSTAFF What beast? Why, an otter.
PRINCE HENRY An otter, Sir John? Why an otter?
FALSTAFF Why? She's neither fish nor flesh; a man knows not
where to have her.
HOSTESS QUICKLY Thou art an unjust man in saying so; thou or
any man knows where to have me, thou knave, thou!
PRINCE HENRY Thou say'st true, hostess, and he slanders thee
most grossly.
HOSTESS QUICKLY So he doth you, my lord, and said this other
day you owed him a thousand pound.
PRINCE HENRY Sirrah, do I owe you a thousand pound?
FALSTAFF A thousand pound, Hal? A million. Thy love is
worth a million: thou ow'st me thy love.
HOSTESS QUICKLY Nay, my lord, he called you Jack,
and said he would cudgel you.
FALSTAFF Did I, Bardolph?
BARDOLPH Indeed, Sir John, you said so.
FALSTAFF Yea, if he said my ring was copper.
PRINCE HENRY I say 'tis copper. Dar'st thou be as good as thy
word now?
FALSTAFF Why, Hal, thou know'st, as thou art but a man, I
dare, but as thou art a prince, I fear thee as I fear the roaring
of the lion's whelp.
PRINCE HENRY And why not as the lion?
FALSTAFF The king himself is to be feared as the lion: dost
thou think I'll fear thee as I fear thy father? Nay, if I do, let my
girdle break.
PRINCE HENRY O, if it should, how would thy guts fall about thy
knees! But, sirrah, there's no room for faith, truth, nor
honesty in this bosom of thine: it is all filled up with guts and
midriff. Charge an honest woman with picking thy pocket?
Why, thou whoreson, impudent, embossed rascal, if there
were anything in thy pocket but tavern-reck'nings,
memorandums of bawdy-houses, and one poor penny-
worth of sugar-candy to make thee long-winded: if thy
pocket were enriched with any other injuries but these, I am
a villain. And yet you will stand to it, you will not pocket up
wrong. Art thou not ashamed?
FALSTAFF Dost thou hear, Hal? Thou know'st in the state of
innocency Adam fell, and what should poor Jack Falstaff do
in the days of villainy? Thou seest I have more flesh than
another man, and therefore more frailty. You confess then,
you picked my pocket?
PRINCE HENRY It appears so by the story.
FALSTAFF Hostess, I forgive thee. Go, make ready breakfast,
love thy husband, look to thy servants and cherish thy guests.