SHALLOW Nay, you shall see mine orchard , where, in an arbour,
we will eat a last year’s pippin of my own graffing, with a dish
of caraways, and so forth.— Come, cousin Silence.— And
then to bed.
FALSTAFF You have here a goodly dwelling and a rich.
SHALLOW Barren, barren, barren: beggars all, beggars all, Sir
John. Marry, good air.— Spread, Davy, spread, Davy. Well
said, Davy.
FALSTAFF This Davy serves you for good uses. He is your
servingman and your husband.
SHALLOW A good varlet, a good varlet, a very good varlet, Sir
John. I have drunk too much sack at supper. A good varlet.
Now sit down, now sit down. Come, cousin.
SILENCE Ah, sirrah, quoth a, we shall
Do nothing but eat, and make good cheer,
Sings
And praise heaven for the merry year.
When flesh is cheap and females dear,
And lusty lads roam here and there
So merrily, and ever among so merrily.
FALSTAFF There’s a merry heart. Good Master Silence, I’ll give
you a health for that anon.
SHALLOW Give Master Bardolph some wine, Davy.
DAVY Sweet sir, sit. I’ll be with you anon. Most sweet sir,
sit. Master page, good master page, sit. Proface! What you
want in meat, we’ll have in drink, but you bear. The heart’s
all.
[Exit]
SHALLOW Be merry, Master Bardolph.— And, my little soldier
there, be merry.
SILENCE Be merry, be merry, my wife has all,
Sings
For women are shrews, both short and tall.
’Tis merry in hall when beards wag all,
And welcome merry Shrovetide
Be merry, be merry.
sFALSTAFF I did not think Master Silence had been a man of
this mettle.
SILENCE Who, I? I have been merry twice and once” ere now.
[Enter Davy with apples]
DAVY There is a dish of leather-coats for you.
To Bardolph?
SHALLOW Davy!
DAVY Your worship! I’ll be with you straight.— A cup of
wine, sir?
SILENCE A cup of wine that’s brisk and fine,
Sings
And drink unto the leman mine,
And a merry heart lives long-a.
FALSTAFF Well said, Master Silence.
SILENCE If we shall be merry, now comes in the sweet of the
night.
FALSTAFF Health and long life to you, Master Silence.
SILENCE Fill the cup, and let it come,
Sings
I’ll pledge you a mile to the bottom.
SHALLOW Honest Bardolph, welcome. If thou want’st
anything, and wilt not call, beshrew thy heart.— Welcome, my little
tiny thief.— And welcome indeed too. I’ll drink to
To Page
Master Bardolph, and to all the cavalieros about London.
DAVY I hope to see London once ere I die.
BARDOLPH If I might see you there, Davy.
SHALLOW You’ll crack a quart together, ha! Will you not,
Master Bardolph?
BARDOLPH Yes, sir, in a pottle-pot.
SHALLOW I thank thee. The knave will stick by thee, I can
assure thee that. He will not out true bred i.e. made of the right stuff : he is true bred.
BARDOLPH And I’ll stick by him, sir.
SHALLOW Why, there spoke a king. Lack nothing: be merry.
Look who’s at door there, ho! Who knocks?
Knocking within
FALSTAFF Why, now you have done me right.
Davy goes to the door
SILENCE Do me right,
Sings
And dub me knight,
Samingo. Is’t not so?
FALSTAFF ’Tis so.
SILENCE Is’t so? Why then, say an old man can do somewhat.
DAVY If it please your worship, there’s one Pistol come
from the court with news.
FALSTAFF From the court? Let him come in.
Enter Pistol
How now, Pistol?
PISTOL Sir John, save you, sir!
FALSTAFF What wind blew you hither, Pistol?
PISTOL Not the ill wind which blows none to good, sweet
knight. Thou art now one of the greatest men in the realm.
SILENCE Indeed, I think he be, but Goodman Puff of Barson.
PISTOL Puff? Puff in thy teeth, most recreant coward base!
Sir John, I am thy Pistol and thy friend,
Helter-skelter have I rode to thee,
And tidings do I bring and lucky joys
And golden times and happy news of price.
FALSTAFF I prithee now deliver them like a man of this world.
PISTOL A foutre for the world and worldlings base!
I speak of Africa and golden joys.
FALSTAFF O base Assyrian knight, what is thy news?
Let King Cophetua know the truth thereof.
SILENCE And Robin Hood, Scarlet and John.
Sings
PISTOL Shall dunghill curs confront the Helicons?
And shall good news be baffled?
Then, Pistol, lay thy head in Furies’ lap.
SILENCE Honest gentleman, I know not your breeding.
PISTOL Why then, lament therefore.
↓Silence falls asleep↓
SHALLOW Give me pardon, sir. If, sir, you come with news from
the court, I take it there is but two ways, either to utter them,
or to conceal them. I am, sir, under the king, in some
authority.
PISTOL Under which king, Besonian? Speak or die.
SHALLOW Under King Harry.
PISTOL Harry the Fourth or Fifth?
SHALLOW Harry the Fourth.
PISTOL A foutre for thine office!—
Sir John, thy tender lambkin now is king.
Harry the Fifth’s the man. I speak the truth.
When Pistol lies, do this, and fig me, like
The bragging Spaniard.
FALSTAFF What, is the old king dead?
PISTOL As nail in door. The things I speak are just
FALSTAFF Away, Bardolph! .— Saddle my horse.— Master
Robert Shallow, choose what office thou wilt in the land, ’tis
thine.— Pistol, I will double-charge thee with dignities.
BARDOLPH O, joyful day! I would not take a knighthood for my
fortune.
PISTOL What? I do bring good news.
FALSTAFF Carry Master Silence to bed.— Master Shallow, my
lord Shallow, be what thou wilt. I am fortune’s steward. Get
on thy boots. We’ll ride all night. O sweet Pistol! Away,
Bardolph!
[Exit Bardolph]
Come, Pistol, utter more to me, and withal devise something
to do thyself good. Boot, boot, Master Shallow. I know the
young king is sick for me. Let us take any man’s horses. The
laws of England are at my commandment. Happy are they
which have been my friends, and woe unto my Lord Chief
Justice!
PISTOL Let vultures vile seize on his lungs also!
‘Where is the life that late I led?’ say they.
Why, here it is. Welcome those pleasant days.
Exeunt
Act 5 Scene 4
running scene 15
Location: London, but unspecified—almost certainly a street
Enter Hostess Quickly, Doll Tearsheet and Beadles
HOSTESS QUICKLY No, thou arrant knave. I would I might die,
that I might have thee hanged. Thou hast drawn my
shoulder out of joint.
FIRST BEADLE The constables
have delivered her over to me, and she
shall have whipping-cheer enough, I warrant her. There
hath been a man or two lately killed about her.
DOLL TEARSHEET Nut-hook, nut-hook, you lie. Come on, I’ll tell
thee what, thou damned tripe-visaged rascal. If the child I
now go with do miscarry, thou hadst better thou hadst
struck thy mother, thou paper-faced villain.
HOSTESS QUICKLY O, that Sir John were come, he would make
this a bloody day to somebody, But I would the fruit of her
womb might miscarry!
FIRST BEADLE If it do, you shall have a dozen of cushions again,
you have but eleven now. Come, I charge you both go with
me, for the man is dead that you and Pistol beat among you.
DOLL TEARSHEET I’ll tell thee what, thou thin man in a censer, I
will have you as soundly swinged for this, you blue-bottled
rogue, you filthy famished correctioner. If you be not
swinged, I’ll forswear half-kirtles.
FIRST BEADLE Come, come, you she knight-errant, come.
HOSTESS QUICKLY O, that right should thus o’ercome might!
Well, of sufferance comes ease.
DOLL TEARSHEET Come, you rogue, come. Bring me to a justice.
HOSTESS QUICKLY Yes, come, you starved bloodhound.
DOLL TEARSHEET Goodman death, goodman bones
HOSTESS QUICKLY Thou anatomy, thou!
DOLL TEARSHEET Come, you thin thing, come you rascal.
FIRST BEADLE Very well.
Exeunt
Act 5 Scene 5
running scene 16
Location: a public place in Westminster, near the Abbey
Enter two Grooms
FIRST GROOM More rushes, more rushes.
SECOND GROOM The trumpets have sounded twice.
FIRST GROOM It will be two of the clock ere they come from the
coronation.
Exeunt Grooms
Enter Falstaff, Shallow, Pistol, Bardolph and Page
FALSTAFF Stand here by me, Master Robert Shallow. I will
make the king do you grace. I will leer upon him as he comes
by, and do but mark the countenance that he will give me.
PISTOL Bless thy lungs, good knight.
FALSTAFF Come here, Pistol, stand behind me.— O, if I had
had time to have made new liveries, I would have bestowed
the thousand pound I borrowed of you. But it is no matter,
this poor show doth better: this doth infer the zeal I had to
see him.
SHALLOW It doth so.
FALSTAFF It shows my earnestness in affection—
PISTOL It doth so.
FALSTAFF My devotion—
PISTOL It doth, it doth, it doth.
FALSTAFF As it were, to ride day and night, and not to
deliberate, not to remember, not to have patience to shift
me—
SHALLOW It is most certain.
FALSTAFF But to stand stained with travel, and sweating with
desire to see him, thinking of nothing else, putting all affairs
in oblivion, as if there were nothing else to be done but to see
him.
PISTOL ’Tis semper idem, for obsque hoc nihil est. ’Tis all in every part.
SHALLOW ’Tis so, indeed.
PISTOL My knight, I will inflame thy noble liver,
And make thee rage.
Thy Doll, and Helen of thy noble thoughts,
Is in base durance and contagious prison,
Haled thither
By most mechanical and dirty hand.
Rouse up revenge from ebon
Alecto ’s snake,
For Doll is in. Pistol speaks naught but troth.
FALSTAFF I will deliver her.
PISTOL There roared the sea, and trumpet-clangour sounds.
The trumpets sound. Enter King Henry V, [with his]brothers [Prince
John, Clarence, Gloucester], Lord Chief Justice [and others]
FALSTAFF Save thy grace, King Hal, my royal Hal!
PISTOL The heavens thee guard and keep, most royal imp of
fame!
FALSTAFF Save thee, my sweet boy!
KING HENRY V My Lord Chief Justice, speak to that vain man.
LORD CHIEF JUSTICE Have you your wits? Know you what ’tis you
speak?
FALSTAFF My king, my Jove heart dear old friend! I speak to thee, my heart!
KING HENRY V I know thee not, old man. Fall to thy prayers.
How ill white hairs become a fool and jester!
I have long dreamed of such a kind of man,
So surfeit-swelled , so old and so profane.
But being awake, I do despise my dream.
Make less thy body hence, and more thy grace,
Leave gormandizing; know the grave doth gape
For thee thrice wider than for other men.
Reply not to me with a fool-born jest.
Presume not that I am the thing I was,
For heaven doth know—so shall the world perceive—
That I have turned away my former self,
So will I those that kept me company.
When thou dost hear I am as I have been,
Approach me, and thou shalt be as thou wast,
The tutor and the feeder of my riots:
Till then, I banish thee, on pain of death,
Not to come near ourperson by ten mile.
For competence of life I will allow you,
That lack of means enforce you not to evil.
And, as we hear you do reform yourselves,
We will, according to your strength and qualities,
Give you advancement.— Be it your charge, my lord,
To Chief Justice
To see performed the tenor of our word.— Set on.
Exeunt King [and his train]
FALSTAFF Master Shallow, I owe you a thousand pound.
SHALLOW Aye, marry, Sir John, which I beseech you to let me
have home with me.
FALSTAFF That can hardly be, Master Shallow. Do not you
grieve at this: I shall be sent for in private to him. Look you,
he must seem thus to the world. Fear not your advancement.
I will be the man yet that shall make you great.
SHALLOW I cannot well perceive how, unless you should give
me your doublet and stuff me out with straw. I beseech you,
good Sir John, let me have five hundred of my thousand.
FALSTAFF Sir, I will be as good as my word. This that you heard
was but a colour.
SHALLOW A colour I fear that you will die in, Sir John.
FALSTAFF Fear no colours. Go with me to dinner.— Come,
Lieutenant Pistol. Come, Bardolph. I shall be sent for soon at
night.
[Enter Prince John, the Lord Chief Justice and Officers]
LORD CHIEF JUSTICE Go, carry Sir John Falstaff to the Fleet
Take all his company along with him.
FALSTAFF My lord, my lord—
LORD CHIEF JUSTICE I cannot now speak. I will hear you soon.
Take them away.
PISTOL Si fortuna me tormento, spero me contento.
Exeunt all but Lancaster [Prince John]and Chief Justice
PRINCE JOHN I like this fair proceeding of the king’s.
He hath intent his wonted followers
Shall all be very well provided for,
But all are banished till their conversations
Appear more wise and modest to the world.
LORD CHIEF JUSTICE And so they are.
PRINCE JOHN The king hath called his parliament, my lord.
LORD CHIEF JUSTICE He hath.
PRINCE JOHN I will lay odds that, ere this year expire,
We
bear our civil swords and native fire
As far as France. I heard a bird so sing,
Whose music, to my thinking, pleased the king.
Come, will you hence?
Exeunt
Epilogue
[Enter the Epilogue]
First my fear, then my curtsy, last my speech. My fear is your
displeasure: my curtsy, my duty: and my speech, to beg your
pardons. If you look for a good speech now, you undo me, for
what I have to say is of mine own making, and what indeed I
should say will, I doubt, prove mine own marring. But to the
purpose, and so to the venture. Be it known to you, as it is
very well, I was lately here in the end of a displeasing
play, to pray your patience for it and to promise you a better. I did
mean indeed to pay you with this, which, if like an ill venture
it come unluckily home, I break, and you, my gentle
creditors”, lose. Here I promised you I would be and here I
commit my body to your mercies: bate me some and I will
pay you some and, as most debtors do, promise you infinitely.
If my tongue cannot entreat you to acquit me, will you
command me to use my legs? And yet that were but light
payment, to dance out of your debt. But a good conscience
will make any possible satisfaction, and so will I. All the
gentlewomen here have forgiven me: if the gentlemen will
not, then the gentlemen do not agree with the gentlewomen,
which was never seen before in such an assembly. One word
more, I beseech you: if you be not too much cloyed with fat
meat, our humble author will continue the story, with Sir
John in it, and make you merry with fair Katherine of
France, where, for anything I know, Falstaff shall die of a
sweat, unless already he be killed with your hard opinions.
For Oldcastle died a martyr, and this is not the man. My
tongue is weary, when my legs are too, I will bid you
goodnight, and so kneel down before you; but, indeed, to
pray for the queen.
[Exit]
TEXTUAL NOTES