I thought the fee below my worth
Because I was of noble birth
It would have been very nice
If £50 was my minimum price.
One day, die groom cleaned and dressed me in a suit with such extraordinary care that I thought some new change must be at hand; he trimmed my fetlocks and legs, passed the tarbrush over my hoofs, parted my forelock, and flattened it down with Macassar oil. I think the harness had an extra polish. Willie seemed half-anxious, half-merry as he got into the chaise with his grandfather.
‘If the ladies take to him,’ said the old gentleman, ‘they’ll be suited.’
We came to a pretty, low house with a lawn and shrubbery at the front, and a drive up to the door. Willie rang the bell and asked if Miss Blomefield or Miss Ellen was at home. Yes, they were. So, whilst Willie stayed with me, Mr Thoroughgood went into the house. In about ten minutes he returned, followed by three ladies. The younger lady — that was Miss Ellen — took to me very much; she said she was sure she would like me.
‘You have always been such a good adviser to us about our horses, and sexual proclivities,’ said the stately lady, ‘we will accept your offer of a trial.’ At the trial they were found Not Guilty.
One morning, a smart-looking young man who was held together with acne came for me. When he saw my knees, he said:
‘I didn’t think, sir, you would have recommended my ladies a horse with knock-knees.’
‘You are only taking him on trial, young man, and if he is not as safe as any horse you ever drove, send him back,’ said my master.
I was led home, placed in a comfortable stable, fed and left to myself. The next day, when my groom was cleaning my face, he said:
‘That is just like the star that Black Beauty had; he is much the same height too.’ He began to look me over carefully, talking to himself:
‘White star in the forehead, one white foot on the off side, this little knot just in that place’ — then, looking at the middle of my back — ‘Good heavens! it must be Black Beauty; there is that little patch of white hair that John used to call Beauty’s threepenny bit. It must be Black Beauty!’ (Good heavens, it was Black Beauty!) ‘Why, Beauty! Beauty! Do you know me? Little Joe Green, that almost killed you?’
I could not say that I remembered him, for now he was a fine-grown young fellow, with black whiskers and a man’s voice, and cross eyes — no wonder he nearly killed me. He was Joe Green. I never saw a man so pleased. He was so pleased that he climbed a tree and jumped in the river; they had to drag the water.
‘Give you a fair trial? I should think so indeed! I wonder who the rascal was that broke your knees, my old Beauty? You must have been badly served out there somewhere.’ Yes, out there somewhere, I was.
‘Well, well, it won’t be my fault if you haven’t good times of it now. I wish John Manly was here to see you.’ He wished and wished, but John Manly didn’t appear; mainly because he was dead.
In the afternoon, I was put into a low Park chair and pushed to the door. Miss Ellen was going to try me. I soon found that she was a good driver, and she seemed pleased with my paces. I heard Joe telling her about me.
‘I shall certainly write to Mrs Gordon, and tell her that her favourite horse has come to us with knock-knees. How pleased she will be!’
The swine, how dare he give away my knock-knees. So the next day, I kicked him in the balls. It was like old times.
‘He will last till he is twenty years old — perhaps more.’ My ladies have promised that I shall never be sold, and so I have nothing to fear; and here my story ends. My troubles are over, all over me, hah, and I am at home; and often, before I am quite awake, I fancy I am still in the orchard at Birtwick, standing with my old friends under the apple trees and Dick the plough throwing stones at us.
1 Carriages.
2 A cover up for the act of castration.
3 A coarse soldier entertainment.
PART ONE
EARLY HOME
MY EARLY HOME
THE HUNT
MY BREAKING IN
BIRTWICK PARK
A FAIR START
LIBERTY
GINGER
GINGER’S STORY CONTINUED
MERRYLEGS
A TALK IN THE ORCHARD
PLAIN SPEAKING
A STORMY DAY
THE DEVIL’S TRADE MARK
THE OLD OSTLER
THE FIRE
JOHN MANLY’S TALE
GOING FOR THE DOCTOR
ONLY IGNORANCE
JOE GREEN
THE PARTING
EARLSHALL
A STRIKE FOR LIBERTY
THE LADY ANNE
REUBEN SMITH
HOW IT ENDED
RUINED AND GOING DOWNHILL
A JOB-HORSE AND HIS DRIVERS
COCKNEYS
A THIEF
A HUMBUG
A HORSE FAIR
A LONDON CAB HORSE
JERRY BARKER
THE SUNDAY CAB
THE GOLDEN RULE
DOLLY AND A REAL GENTLEMAN
SEEDY SAM
POOR GINGER
THE BUTCHER
THE ELECTION
A FRIEND IN NEED
OLD CAPTAIN AND HIS SUCCESSOR
JERRY’S NEW YEAR
JAKES AND THE LADY
HARD TIMES
FARMER THOROUGHGOOD AND HIS GRANDSON WILLIE
MY LAST HOME