Grate Seizure’s Goat! Holy Mowgli!
Heavens too Beverly! Land o’ Gopher!
In a manner of timely, debt and debunktion
Wood griddle the lamb, wood
Spray from see to slimy see --
And nobloody butt nobloody, Eye mean nobloody
New any wey two stomp it.
Quizzly, the word sprayed:
Six and two-thirds minuets, that was awl,
Owl the thyme they had beefour the awfool avalunch
Turtled over there precipice willage and farts,
Reaping havoc, crayon, and contusion --
Apparelly, it was tine too take axiom.
Infants after the emergentry was denounced,
The membrances of the town cowsill meant
Fore a spatial, improngtu meating,
Disgusting plausible methods of shaving there homelamp.
“Maybe a big damn?,” ingest Ted Stipple;
“Why knot some projective tarpaulin?,” ratted Boyce Flippy;
“Ore bester yet, nuclear missiles!,” intercepted Chloe Minded;
Butt cleaner heads preveiled, blushing aside these imprastical
Notions in flavor of a more sensible pram:
An investigatorial snub-committee was annointed on the snot
And four awl spastical porpoises designed to solder the proboscis
(Witch maid awl the difference, of coral,
Since the cowsill membranes all annointed themselves).
Thanks two the fat, divisive oxen of these grate liters,
Plaids and strategic were mapped oust,
Fumes were allocated, and a fool-proof saloon
Fore dealing with the dishwater was concocted
Buy the tide that everythings was wiped out.
(Poor everythingy!) (Ant the cowsill, two!)
Swoon, the mayonnaise had flushed ogre the town,
Wallowing up feels of craps, clovering hole bilkings
And houselets, carrying off automotives
Ant wurst of awl, (braise yoreselfs!) drowning
Indecent, helmless townspeanuts
Inn a fetal, deadlyish flump of poring whitelike mayo.
Upper distraction filmed the land
Around the tippling Mound St. Heliotrope --
It was two lady!
The avalunch had stunk!
Munch latter, wen the ducks had settled,
Wen the feud survivors began shifting threw the rumble,
The reely truly actual flax and completely detales
Beehive this devastately catapostrophe
(The aforeminted harrowing avalunch, ovulously)
Were unbirthed and documended:
As usually, corporations and waisted youth were to blame.
That raging flume of killer mayo
Oribbonated from a stupendagle vastly
Enormative clomp atopping Mouse St. Hepatitis,
Premiumly taught two bee mere marshmallow
Butt actuality a secretive waist dump
Four Miracle Wimp mayo makers!
Pig business stripes again!
And the plunging avalunch itcellar
Was startled buy a gangrene of salivating, drunken,
Juicy delinquents, corrupted wiley punks
Looking four kicks and cheese thrills
Buy holding a brutal yodelling contest!
How dared they?!?
Kiddies have know receptacle fore human wife!
Needles too say, the careless corpuscle and rootless pumps
Got there junk deserts in court:
The grass chamber, electric cherry,
Lethal infection, and hang gliding, simultaneously
And at the same time till depth dew them party.
Ant as four the destimated volley,
The unlumpy, ill-faded hillage and farts
Tramped inn the pad of the onrashing avalunch,
It is still vanquished, berried internally
And always forever afghan
Beneed those tongues and poundings of salad dressing.
The governmeddle, thanklessly, did the only thing profitable:
They airlifted a gigantical slice of bread (hole wheat)
Onto the mayo-smothered plane,
And estamplished a national monumental (and tourist detraction),
A memorial and rewinder
Of the terriballistic, traffic disastrous,
The lawns of life, and the reely big mess.
In fabric, ewe can still go their,
Even moral, it is your pastriotic duty
To visit and pay hostage
At the densolate, silo, ominuts ruins of
Pompayonnaise.
Thee Endless
*****
Weight Four Me(at)
Seen against the fruity
Pageant of humanity,
With awl its famous figures
Sprouting like an orchard
Of history, my life may seem
Fairy insignificant,
Even ludicrous.
Butt -- and Eye repeat for those of ewe
Who didn’t read it in my mined
The furst time (sorry souls) (or lucky,
My life is impotent two meany otters,
Two the average Joes and Janes that Eye
Daily crumb in contract with.
Four example: (this is sad butt troop)
Eye play a very impotent park in the lives
Of a number of towering, pushy bullseyes,
Who, together with meany otters, enjoin
Pulverizing (ouch!) me (yow!)
i.e. smacking(!) smashing(!!), hitting with bald
fists(!!!) or just pain verbal abuse
e.g. crawling me names
re wimp, weekling, mama’s buoy
ore any number of choice epaulets.
Yes, without me, these pour pushy bullseyes
And meany otters wood have know one (ore two ore three)
To split on, to beast up,
To creep them happy and stuff there egos.
They wood bee lossed soles, Eye no,
cast adrift on the see of life
like helpless, mewing babes. (Eye mussed wife a tear
from my I, so touching is this ((sob))
spastic vision.)
Still, mulch as Eye loathe hurting
in any wey these pour, unlucky bullseyes
(and otters), Eye have found (two my grate surprise)
(and dismaid) that there bruises are knot skin deep,
sinking, instead, too the guts and bones,
witch unluckily brake or squish, hurting ether wey.
Sew --
Eye took action:
Eye gnu then only won man could help me,
Only won man could save my squishy
guts: I got a stamp, undressed
an envelope, and send it two him:
And in weaks (ore was it daze?) (hours?) (seconds?)
(maybe their was a time warp and Eye got it ((gulp!))
befour Eye send it!) (yikes!)
retrieved the package,
touching it respectfully like crowded jewels,
reeding the label:
Charles Atlas super guaranteed mussels
in forty daze or yore monkey back
weight program “it said.”
I smiled and started write aweigh...
Forty-nine daze later, I was pumped up
with mitey mussels,
shiny in the slum, ripping down my bawdy.
Eye flexed them, flinging hefty papers
awl the wey across the room(!),
crushing loaves of bread flat(!!),
smashing(!) a(!!) hole(!!!) threw an
extra heavy duty Kleenex (not some bargain brand!),
even lifting, in won mitey heave,
a sneering feather pillow, wayed down with down,
heretofore immovable.
Eye lurched outslide, reddy two tackle
the bullseyes...
Butt was snatched away, grubbed and towed
into a truck befour Eye could strangle.
Some won hit me and Eye went unconscience.
When Eye awoke, Eye slaw him --
Simone Filet, unscrupulous fish-cutter
and fugitive from justice. He was a strange man,
big eyes staring from the sides of his
heavy, and a tongue that flapped up and down
when he talked (what a site!).
Now Eye half ewe!, “he sneered,
flappy tongue flickering away.”
What is yore plan, fiend?, “Eye shouted
at the top of my lips.”
Long Johny Slivers has fired me,
i.e. terminated, laid-off, unemployed,
Forcing me to turn too other
sorces of cash. Seew Eye will begin a
nude industry! Human veal four
Pacific cannibal tribes! Ewe are the first!,
“he laughed.”
W-why meat?, “Eye asked, confused.”
Beclause, “snapped Filet,” you half such plump,
shiny mussels, perfect for a testy cutlet.
Eye reeked in shock,
two stumped to reply:
My plan had backfired! Charleye Atlas had made me
a morsel, a calf reddy four the butcher (ore the fish-
cutter in this case).
Eye was tide up and pitched in a dark bathroom
with know widows or lights
and only the flusher on the toilet two
brake the silence (witch Eye ewesed two creep myshelf
occupied, flushing two the tune of various songs:
“Blue Moon,” “Moon Over Miami,” “When The Moon Comes
Over The Mountains,” “Moonlight And Roses”).
Weighting for an opportunistic to escape,
Eye settled inn, fed only milk
buy my kidnabbers.
Then --
Kaboom! A brainstork! (caw caw)
Eye new how too escrape,
Eye new how two free myshelf
From this predicamental! (at lashed!)
Eye wood knot bee sealy up in this
dark john, fattened and pale
and changing intwo milk-fed veal,
knot four long! (ore short, for that matter)
Hastily, I scribbly a note on toilet paper,
(Help! Eye am locked inn a bathroom!
Slave me!), sealed it in an empty
shampoo bottle -- and flushed!
Eye slat back and weighted...
Suddenly, after too years,
A special SWAT team burst into the room,
Simone Filet in tow!
Say, “won said, pointy in my director,”
Who let this calf in hear?
Oh, “mumbly Filet, sneering,”
That’s just veal. Dew you officers like cutlets?
Outraged, Eye tried to speak,
“Butt awl Eye could say was,” Moo...mooo.
Looking in the mirror, I pancaked;
Sore enough, Eye was a calf,
Pale and slinky and reddy four cannibal cutlets!
What wood Eye dew?, “Eye wondered, horrible,”
What wood Eye dew?!?
Then, Eye wake up.
The mortal of the story is this: If we
are what we eat,
then why isn’t everybody food?
Finnish
*****
Supermarket Follies
Welcome to the Supermarket!
Your friendly neighborhood that is --
Bargains galore, huge selection,
Cashiers courteous, deals unbeatable,
Unbelievable, unpalatable, umbilical...
Step! Right! Up!
And now, in the center
Aisle, may we direct your pocket
Books to the blue light, red light, green light
Night light special, the first a
Traction...
Canned Goods
Just watch them for awhile,
Pop out eyeballs and carefully run
Them over that goggleplex vista,
That holy cheap manument
Complete with sacrament inside, a bonus what
A bonus it is like a
Lifetime is a bonus.
Rows, stacks, columns, walls,
Like a long thin house stuck right in the store,
Or more a thousand midget homes, scale
Model, a bean and mash neighborhood
Laid can by can, food by food,
Each clamped, labelled, priced, shined
All different, all bright, all sealed and
Locked stamped crushed plated
For your protection,
Contained, compressed, congealed
Like teeny ground families
Only no doors or windows.
And you shy, you shrink,
Hem, flagellate, flatulate,
Dive behind your cart, because
You KNOW!
It’s TRUE!
Inside is YOU!
Produce
Oh fruits and veggies,
Glistening, sparkling, glittering,
All polished and puckered and preened like
Juicy fresh lips ready for plucking, but
More--firm, rigid, obedient,
A pulpy, leafy regiment trained for months
On vines and stalks by
White-smocked market sergeants, now
In formation and if
Reveille over the speakers they would
All hop down and march.
Such shine, such
Color, such surely they must crisp and
Snap and squirt disguise --
Take us home!
We will make you happy!
Take us home!
Like a crowd on the street, all
Zip, difference, shimmer, skin,
The suit crowd, the busy crowd,
Light, right, tight, bright,
But you know the sight --
All wax, spray, rub, squirt,
Glop, goo, grease, gunk
Painted primped pimped and
Perfect.
And inside,
You know...
Inside is YOU!
Quick! Cringe!
Move!
Meat Counter
The hearty part, the beefy heart, husky, chewy man’s
Mart -- Meet the Meat!
Cut in slabs, shucked in cutlets,
Carved in slices, hacked in patties,
Ground, crushed, minced, spun
In neat thick portions wound in
Clear chrysalis.
All red and plenty bloody, body red,
Guts red, sink your teeth and snarl red
Like game only hunters come
With squeaky wheels and shopping lists--
And sprawling in the long white cooler, gleaming
Fleshy under incandescents, fit so
Close in lines and rows there is no
Beef, no pork chicken veal just
One huge muscle, creature sleeping made of
Bloody cool bundles and maybe if you take
The right one it will
Slither down the aisles.
What an art, a work
Of man, the sculptor of
Sinew, and such a collage, a fresco
Certain to awe, stun with lean plastic
Symmetry--critics’ nodding
Heads and whispers over the
Soundproof screams in back.
Yeah, you hear them,
The strains of a work in progress,
The chiseling of maestros in
Living marble--
But you recognize,
You peg the voice...
It’s YOU!
Checkout
And so the show ends,
As all shows must, al
l
Supermarkets, sales,
Shoppers.
You’ve been and done, you’ve come and gone,
We hope you’ve been amazed, a
stounded, and taking what you
Know foot the bill, get your bags and
Never return...
But you will.
You always return to the Supermarket.
*****
Somebody Loves You
Buy this blouse this cookware this makeup this doll this jewelry
(This love)
And we will love you smiling waving laughing never letting you down
(We love you.)
Everything we have is perfect for Christmas birthdays graduations bar mitzvahs
Easter retirements showers weddings vacations lazy Sundays lousy Mondays
Treat yourself you’re worth it
(Love is things.)
Every item is made with husbands sisters sons daughters mothers fathers brothers cousins uncles aunts friends nephews nieces pastors babysitters bosses neighbors pets in mind
(Our love is un
conditional you can tell from our
sunny cheekbones.)
YOU MATTER TO US
AND WE WANT YOU TO HAVE THE
BEST
like these steaks and chocolates and rings and
WHY THE FUCK NOT?
figurines and ornaments and sweatshirts and
LOVE LOVE LOVE
IT’S ONLY MONEY
computers and cameras and hair extensions and
YOU’LL PAY FOR IT ANYWAY
FOR LOVE
SO WHY NOT GET
anti-aging complex and commemorative
SOMETHING OUT OF IT
one-of-a-kind
YOU CAN CONTROL?
And years from now we can look back on this night the two of us and laugh about
the little joke I made on the
screen
while I was selling you the
(Love)
the limited edition thimble set
one for every month
and two for Christmas
so darling
so shiny.
*****
Why MTV Went to Commercial in the Middle of Pink Floyd's "Comfortably Numb" During Live 8
Expressionless
the blonde follows my car from two
inches
behind while the withered
insane creeps along the walk,
baby dolls and mufflers in her shopping cart