he got to the cabin, he saw it would have to wait. Smokey was
asleep once again. Darsey stayed below only long enough to
cover her with a blanket before going topside to cast off.
Lord Hawkesbury's coach was gone, and Darsey was glad
that he'd already said his thanks. They cast off, leaving the
docks teeming with frustrated journalists and spectators. By
nightfall, they were out at sea.
249
Darsey held a cup of strong broth to Smokey's mouth, and
she drank greedily. Her hands came up to hold the mug, but
they were shaking so badly that Darsey did not relinquish his
hold. After just a few swallows, Smokey lay back as though the
effort was too much for her.
She had managed to bathe and even wash her hair. Darsey
had changed the sheets for her, since she had lain on them
before her bath and couldn't stand the thought of touching
them after she was clean. After washing she had put on a
nightgown and crawled into bed, ready to sleep for weeks, but
Darsey had other ideas.
"You've got to eat something."
"I'm too tired," she told him, but he ignored her.
"I'll help you," he said and did, holding the broth and
letting her take all she could. Then she was asleep again, and
this time Darsey allowed it. She hadn't taken much in, but
Darsey knew they were going to have to take things slowly.
Truly, "slow" would be the operative word where Smokey
was concerned. As long as he was in charge, they were in no
hurry. If it took weeks to gain their home port, then weeks it
would be. And if it took weeks for Smokey to tell him all she'd
been through, he would wait.
He found himself making these promises in his heart as
he gazed at her sleeping form. Like the last time they had been
separated, the tears poured down his face, tears for all the
pain she'd known, and tears of thanksgiving that God had
brought her back to him.
251
Q//^~Qfw
"iDiDN'TTHANKBRANDON/'SmokeytoIdDarseywhenthey
had been at sea for five days.
"He'll understand"
"Or Dallas," she went on.
"He'll understand"
"He didn't last time I left in such a hurry."
Darsey stared at his skipper. "This was nothing like last
time, mainly because this time Dallas knows that you love
him."
Smokey nodded from her place on the deck, desperately
wanting to believe Darsey's words.
She had barely been able to climb the stairs, but she was
sick to death of her cabin and insistent on going topside. She
was wrapped in a blanket against the wind, but the sun felt
wonderful on her face. The men had all come one at a time to
sit and visit with her, and she could see that although they
were a bit thinner, they were all right. Her heart overflowed
each time she looked at them and saw that they were safe and
well.
"Dars, can you tell Scully that I'm hungry?"
"Sure," Darsey forced himself to answer calmly and rose
slowly from his seat. What he wanted to do was shout and to
run for the galley as fast as his legs could carry him. She had
wanted so little to eat since they had set sail. And even though
her color was good, the skin of her face was still stretched
tightly across her cheekbones.
That, along with the change in her hair, made her look like
a completely different person. Her eyes were still just as big
and just as gray, but there was a new maturity there. Darsey
mourned the lack of innocence, but understood that God's
way was always best.
The days flowed one into another as the Aramis made
good speed west. Smokey slowly regained her strength, and a
week outside of Maine was fully back in command of her ship.
She even raced another vessel and won adroitly.
Outside of her regular duties, Smokey spent a lot of time
sitting on deck and thinking. Dallas was constantly in her
thoughts, and she prayed for him every day. She also remembered
Brandon, Sunny, Sterling, and Aggie. Whenever she
thought of Aggie, she remembered how true it was that a
person could walk around in a prison of his or her own
making and never be behind bars.
It wasn't easy to dispel the image of that cell. At times it
was so real to Smokey that she could smell the stench of it,
even in the wind. But she never allowed her mind to rest there.
She would always push onward to God's grace and protection.
Then the black clouds of memory would be rolled away to
reveal the glorious sunshine of God's love, and Smokey would
ask God for her heart's desire--to be Dallas Knight's wife.
Almost hourly she prayed for him, his well-being, both
physical and spiritual, his ship, and his crew. She prayed that
he would soon realize his dream to stay in Maine and build
ships, and that he would want her at his side when he launched
his first Knight Craft.
It was during these prayers that Smokey would tell the
Lord all the things she loved about Dallas--his convictions
and tenderness, his beliefs and compassion. But even amid
Smokey's desire to be with Dallas for always, she never failed
to end her prayer by telling the Lord that as much as she
wanted this, she wanted Him more. She always asked God to
help her accept His will above her own, no matter what.
252
It was because of this commitment concerning God's will
that Smokey's gray eyes shone with joy and inner peace--a
peace so deep that Willa did not believe she had been through
all she said. When Darsey was finally able to convince her, the
older woman sobbed like a baby.
But true to form, when the weeping was over, she rose and
took care of her loved ones once again. In the first week of
Smokey's homecoming, Willa fed her constantly. She also sat
Smokey down at the kitchen table and trimmed her hair into
an adorable style. It had grown ever so slightly on the voyage
home, and Willa was able to make the front hang over her
forehead in wispy little bangs and the back and sides to curl
under, giving a lovely frame to her face. The effect was darling,
and Willa said they should have cut it years ago.
Smokey was not so convinced. All she could think about
was what Dallas might have to say. She knew he had loved her
long hair. When such thoughts crowded in, she told herself
that it didn't matter, that as soon as Dallas returned he would
come looking for her and they would pick up right where they
had left off at Bracken. But the weeks began to drag, and this
didn't happen.
"Why haven't you been to see Jenny?" Willa asked her
pointedly one day.
Smokey hesitated. It was tempting to tell Willa that she
wasn't up to it, but that would have been a lie.
"I think I'm afraid," Smokey finally admitted.
"Of?"
"Of Dallas being there and not coming to see me. Of my
realizing that his feelings might have changed when mine are
; stronger than ever."
Willa didn't believe for one minute that Dallas had changed
his mind about Smokey, but she was not going to make any
promises.
"It's not like you to be afraid of anything. You'll never find
out the truth by sitting around here. Not to mention that Jenny
is your friend and you've got a lovely little baby named after
253
you that you've never even seen. If Iwere Jenny, whichl'mnot,
I'd be a mite hurt by your indifference"
"I don't feel indifferent," Smokey protested.
"I know that, but Jenny doesn't."
This gave Smokey pause, and she realized she was being
very selfish. Dallas was probably still at sea, leaving Tate and
Jenny in the dark as to why their friend would stay away after
all these weeks. In the morning Smokey packed her bag and
asked Darsey to take her to Kennebunkport.
Smokey stared down into the cradle at Victoria Jennifer
Pemberton and wondered if she had ever seen anyone so tiny
and sweet. Jenny lifted her tiny daughter and passed her into
Smokey's waiting arms. Smokey sat down on the edge of the
settee and just stared into the tiny dark eyes that seemed to be
gazing right at her.
"She's precious."
"We think so," Jenny said softly. The two friends smiled at
each other.
After another look at Victoria's round face, Smokey's
eyes skimmed down the front of her friend's dress and then
twinkled with suppressed laughter.
"I can see you've traded fullness in one area for another."
Jenny really laughed at this and put her hand to her milk-swelled
bosom. "I think I could have fed twins."
"So all I have to do to gain a fuller figure is become a
mother."
"That's all," Jenny said with a nonchalant shrug, and the
two women shared another laugh.
Smokey looked down at that point to see that Victoria had
fallen asleep. She gently laid her back in the cradle. The
women silently left the nursery. Neither one spoke until they
were downstairs in the parlor.
254
"You look wonderful, Smokey," Jenny told her sincerely.
Smokey's hand went self-consciously to her hair.
"I guess I should have explained."
"There is no need; Dallas was here."
"Dallas was here?" Smokey asked, trying to keep her voice
light.
"Yes, and I'm sorry about everything you had to go through."
Jenny's eyes filled with tears.
"It's all right, Jen," Smokey told her. "I'm going to be all
right." Smokey was not sure she believed her own words at the
moment, but she was trying.
They fell silent for just a few moments, a silence that
bordered on discomfort until Jenny's face lit.
"I have some good news--Buck and Greer are married!"
"Oh, Jenny!" Smokey exclaimed as she tried to put aside
her feelings of loss. "That's wonderful! When did this happen?"
"Just a month ago. They wanted to wait until you were
back, but they just didn't know when that would be."
"That's all right. I'll have to go and see them. How does
Buck like living in Greer's house?"
"He doesn't; I mean, they live at Buck's. Greer loves it."
Smokey's whole frame tensed. "And Greer's house?"
"It's sold," Jenny told her softly, wanting to say more. She
wished at the moment that she had never promised Dallas she
would stay as quiet as possible about the sale.
Smokey nodded, her face full of calm acceptance. Jenny
went on to fill her in on the goings-on of afew more folks, and
then Victoria began to cry.
"I'll have to feed her," Jenny said. "You can stay if you like."
"Thanks, Jen, but I think I'll take a walk on the beach. I'll
be back before supper."
The women went their separate ways then, but Smokey
might have come back to the house if she could have seen
Jenny in the second-story nursery window, tears pouring
down her face, even as her baby fussed in her bed.
255
"Please, Lord," she whispered against the glass, begging
God with every fiber of her being, "Smokey has been through
so much, and so has Dallas. Please help them to find each
other and work things out very, very soon."
257
it felt wonderful to SMOKEY to be able to stretch her legs
and feel the sand beneath her shoes and the wind on her face
as she prayed Her voice was carried away on the wind, but
still heard by her heavenly Father.
"You just want it to be You and me, don't You, Lord? You
didn't want me to have Dallas or the house. Help me to accept that. Help me to see that having You is enough."
Smokey stopped at that point and looked out to sea. It was
a sight of which she never grew weary. For a time it had seemed
that she would be giving up the sea and theAramis, but now
she thought she'd best reconsider. Sailing was all she really
knew how to do, and she was used to being her own boss.
"I want to face that pain of loss, Lord, and not just busy
myself to avoid it, but I can't sit around "Willa's and be underfoot
there. Show me if You have a new path. Show me where I
can best be used"
The tears came then, not a torrent, but they did flow down
her face as she mourned the loss of her dreams. Smokey went
on asking God to give her new dreams, dreams to reach for
and realize.
Although her heart was heavy, she felt much better after
she cried For the moment she couldn't think about Dallas. He
was not attainable, and she would only cry again if she allowed
257
to Jenny's when she glanced up the beach and saw Greer's
house. Telling herself she wanted just one more look, Smokey
moved toward it.
It really was the most spectacular home she'd ever seen.
She felt there was little point in telling the new owners to keep
her in mind if they decided to sell--she'd probably be an old
woman by then--but she was tempted to rap on their door
anyway.
Smokey gazed at the house in wonder for some time
before she realized a man had come outside and was looking
down at her on the beach. It was Dallas! Smokey watched in
frozen amazement as he took the cliff steps to the sand and
walked toward her. She didn't move a muscle, not even when
he stopped less than two feet in front of her.
Smokey's eyes met his and then flicked to the house.
Understanding dawned like a light out of the sky.
"You bought it," she said slowly.
"I bought it," Dallas agreed, his voice as deep and wonderful
as she recalled
Smokey took a deep breath and nodded Dallas' face gave
nothing away, and Smokey summoned a smile.
"I'm glad, Dallas," she spoke sincerely "Buck told me a
long time ago that you loved that house, and Greer told me she
hoped whoever owned it after her would care for it the way
she did"
Dallas simply didn't know what to reply, so he just stood
quietly
and gazed at the women he loved The silence was too
much for Smokey.
"Are you all settled in?" Her voice sounded too cheerful,
even to her own ears, but Dallas didn't seem to notice
"I'm getting settled I have a few additions to make, but
that may take some time. Would you like to come inside?"
Dallas asked, thinking that if she refused, he would follow her
all the way back to Jenny's. Anything to be near her.
Smokey told herself that going in with him was the worst
thing she could do, and at the same time nodded her head and
began to follow him back up the steps.
258
Even with slightly less furniture the house was as wonderful
inside as she remembered Smokey noticed it was spotlessly
clean, and every windowpane gleamed in the afternoon sun.
"It's a beautiful home, isn't it?"
"Beautiful," Dallas agreed with her. Smokey didn't notice
that he never took his eyes from her face.
When she could find nothing else to gaze at, she let her
eyes meet his and could not pull away. Dallas whispered to her
from his place some ten feet away, but Smokey caught every
word.
"I've missed you, Smokey."
Smokey drew in a shuddering breath on those words. If he
missed her, why hadn't he come? When Smokey voiced the
question, her voice was tight with anger. "Why didn't you
come to Willa's?"
"I thought you needed time," he told her, his eyes so full of
pain that the spark of anger that had ignited in Smokey was
quickly snuffed out.
"God has asked me to trust Him many times over the
years," Dallas went on, his voice still soft, his look intense.
"I've trusted Him when I thought the sea was going to take my
ship down, and I trusted Him when it seemed that I would
never gain the money for my company, but never has He asked
for so much.
"I thought my insides were being torn in half, when I
found that you'd been moved from the Tower. And then when
I saw you in that courtroom, so pale and fragile, again I
thought someone had thrust a knife into my side."
His words were heartbreaking to Smokey and she didn't
think she could take much more. "You risked your life to bring
Lord Lynne in. I'm sorry I didn't stay and thank you for all you
did"
"It's all right. I understood. Brandon told me you were
with Darsey, and I was fine as long as I knew you were safe."
"Why did you think I needed time?" Smokey had to know.